When my aunt Penny died she hadn’t cut her hair in 20 years, when we took her to the crematorium it turns out they charged by weight and we couldn’t afford a receptacle for her ashes. I learned an important lesson that day.
A Penny shaved is a Penny urned.
Why do vampires only play the penny and nickel slot machines?
The park ranger told me that he would donate all the pennies, nickles, and quarters thrown into the wishing well to my charity.....
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he never gave me a single dime!
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent.
Judge: You're going to jail with him.
Penny production with Abraham Lincoln’s face seems to be quite low this year.
Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...
Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?
He didn't have a lot of common cents.
My Aunt Penny keeps coming back to life after her cremation
I guess it’s true... a penny urned is a penny saved.
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
I just learned how the penny press at the mint works.
It makes cents if you think about it.
If I had a penny for everyone who asked me to look after their dogs,
Making pennies is very practical...
Doesn't he need to change? I bet his best friend's name is penny.
Math can be so hard sometimes. The problem was, "Sally had 32 pennies. She gave 32 pennies away to her friend Robin. How many pennies does Sally have left?"
What do you call a cage filled with Quarters, Dimes, and Pennies?
There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.
My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece
Penny for your thoughts on the coin shortage?
I can't make heads or tails of it. It just doesn't make cents. I guess the way people pay needs some change.
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
How long until the penny drops on this shocker
In for a penny out for a pound
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
Daughter had a balloon with a penny in it.
So, for Easter, my wife and I got our 2-year-old an array of balloons from a delivery service, including some pre-inflated pieces you could “build your own butterfly” with, etc. It was pretty cool, but coolest of all was this clear balloon pretty tightly inflated with a single penny in it, and if you shook the balloon enough, the penny would eventually find its way to circling the inside of the balloon.
Those balloons lasted for weeks, until today. If you’ve ever seen a clear balloon deflate, you know it gets a little yellow and opaque.
My wife found it laying around and brought it to me, saying, “This looks like a condom with a penny in it.” And I said, “That’s why they call it a money shot.”
How many pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?
It's actually one per cent.
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.
I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".
I've just been scammed! Someone offered me a penny for my thoughts but...
Before I knew it, they had gotten my two cents.
People who died penny less didn't accept change
I asked God, “How long is a million years?” He said, “A minute.” I asked God, “How much is a million dollars?” He said, “A penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,
The fact that we're still minting the penny even though it costs nearly twice as much as it's worth makes no cents.
Did you hear about the penny that was forced to do something against its will?
It did not give con cent.
The plural of penny is pence
But we just say pennies because it makes more cents
My friend showed me his plans to produce a machine that makes pennies. At first, his concept didn't plausible...
My wife doesn't like my rare penny collection...
She says it lacks common cents
Tesco's are putting vodka up a penny tomorrow to £20.
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's £19.99
I can't believe we still make pennies when it costs more than they're worth.
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins
Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage
How do you measure the size of a picture made out of pennies?
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, don’t spend it all in one place.
I said thanks for your 2 cents.
If I had a penny for every time someone didn't understand me
You know how it costs more to produce pennies than they are worth?
It really puts into perspective that old adage “you have to spend money to make money”
Did you know, in 1910 the term "Penny Arcade" was first coined.
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny!
Judge: Stuck in a penny?
Lawyer: Yes, he’s in a cent!
My wife is furious at my rare penny collection.
She says it completely lacks common cents.
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