When my aunt Penny died she hadn’t cut her hair in 20 years, when we took her to the crematorium it turns out they charged by weight and we couldn’t afford a receptacle for her ashes. I learned an important lesson that day.

A Penny shaved is a Penny urned.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires only play the penny and nickel slot machines?

Small stakes.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
The park ranger told me that he would donate all the pennies, nickles, and quarters thrown into the wishing well to my charity.....

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he never gave me a single dime!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/esoper1976
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.

Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent.

Judge: You're going to jail with him.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Penny production with Abraham Lincoln’s face seems to be quite low this year.

It’s only one percent.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...

It was a far-thing!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?

He didn't have a lot of common cents.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d3hall
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My Aunt Penny keeps coming back to life after her cremation

I guess it’s true... a penny urned is a penny saved.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Penny for your thoughts?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?

Looks like a hundred bucks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflintseeker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I just learned how the penny press at the mint works.

It makes cents if you think about it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TriggerPhishy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If I had a penny for everyone who asked me to look after their dogs,

I'd have a pound.

πŸ‘︎ 246
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Making pennies is very practical...

It just makes cents.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mndaver24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
That penny will drop!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Professor_Jamie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Doesn't he need to change? I bet his best friend's name is penny.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puffskeleton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Math can be so hard sometimes. The problem was, "Sally had 32 pennies. She gave 32 pennies away to her friend Robin. How many pennies does Sally have left?"

It just makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cage filled with Quarters, Dimes, and Pennies?

Nickel-less Cage!

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TH0R5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.

My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Penny for your thoughts on the coin shortage?

I can't make heads or tails of it. It just doesn't make cents. I guess the way people pay needs some change.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuddleOfMud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.

To which I said, β€œThat doesn’t make cents.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/High_Speed_Chase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Penny Loafers
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriba777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How long until the penny drops on this shocker
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Penny loafers imgur.com/9EMe3qh
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
In for a penny out for a pound
πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skelopun
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.

They were having fun at my ex pence.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Daughter had a balloon with a penny in it.

So, for Easter, my wife and I got our 2-year-old an array of balloons from a delivery service, including some pre-inflated pieces you could β€œbuild your own butterfly” with, etc. It was pretty cool, but coolest of all was this clear balloon pretty tightly inflated with a single penny in it, and if you shook the balloon enough, the penny would eventually find its way to circling the inside of the balloon.

Those balloons lasted for weeks, until today. If you’ve ever seen a clear balloon deflate, you know it gets a little yellow and opaque.

My wife found it laying around and brought it to me, saying, β€œThis looks like a condom with a penny in it.” And I said, β€œThat’s why they call it a money shot.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dormsta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How many pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?

It's actually one per cent.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.

I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nitevid
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just been scammed! Someone offered me a penny for my thoughts but...

Before I knew it, they had gotten my two cents.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funk-Crusader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
People who died penny less didn't accept change
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainCarterX1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked God, β€œHow long is a million years?” He said, β€œA minute.” I asked God, β€œHow much is a million dollars?” He said, β€œA penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,

β€œIn a minute.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The fact that we're still minting the penny even though it costs nearly twice as much as it's worth makes no cents.
πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BpRue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the penny that was forced to do something against its will?

It did not give con cent.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The plural of penny is pence

But we just say pennies because it makes more cents

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterShenk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend showed me his plans to produce a machine that makes pennies. At first, his concept didn't plausible...

Now it all makes cents.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife doesn't like my rare penny collection...

She says it lacks common cents

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestorm2435
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Tesco's are putting vodka up a penny tomorrow to Β£20.

So tonight I'm gonna party like it's Β£19.99

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy2things
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe we still make pennies when it costs more than they're worth.

It makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfavino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins

Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you measure the size of a picture made out of pennies?

In "cent"-ipixels.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, don’t spend it all in one place.

I said thanks for your 2 cents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spicy-gyro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had a penny for every time someone didn't understand me

I'd make more cents.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
You know how it costs more to produce pennies than they are worth?

It really puts into perspective that old adage β€œyou have to spend money to make money”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LacAncilla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know, in 1910 the term "Penny Arcade" was first coined.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c0rse1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny

He is in a cent

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atharvanaik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny!

Judge: Stuck in a penny?

Lawyer: Yes, he’s in a cent!

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seems_legit_man
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Pennies are common cents
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaveFile1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at my rare penny collection.

She says it completely lacks common cents.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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