If a jet plane loaded with e-cigarette smokers flies overhead, you'll see the vaper trail.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I use this one whenever I see a flock of geese flying overhead. It gets a groan every time. imgur.com/ZfWkpDh
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malarson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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Saw a flock of geese going overhead...

Dad said "Wanna know why one side of the V is longer than the other? There's more geese on that side!"

Ya got me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RianonFTW
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2015
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Overhead a true dad in a museum today

He was taking a photo of a child in front of the large wheel of a penny farthing bike. As I went past I heard him say "this'll be a wheely good picture"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GownAndOut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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overhead from a campus tour guide

"Sorry to get cheesy on you guys, but we are in Wisconsin" I groaned as I walked by.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/presentEgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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I stole a wig

I just didn't want toupee for it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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My street light fixing business closed two months after it opened because it was not profitable

Too much overhead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Native American naming conventions (contains a swear word)

My dad used to tell me this one growing up:

>Native American child is with his father. He looks up at him and says "Dad, how did you figure out what to name us when we were born?"
>
>The dad responds "Son, it's easy: I just looked around nature and what I saw is what I named you. Your sister, Flying-Eagle, for instance, was born while an eagle flew overhead. Your brother was named Roaming-Buffalo for a similar reason. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JandersOf86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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This might go over the heads of some of the kids on here (x-post from /r/funny)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Falling_earbuds
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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I tried to get into the chandelier business...

But there was too much overhead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M-comment
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Two woman are sitting on a roof because their town is being flooded

The second woman looks to the first woman and asks what they should do?

"God will save us" she says.

The two women sit there for a while and watch the water continue to rise. Eventually a rescue team in a rubber dinghy turn up.

"Jump on" says the rescuer. The second woman quickly jumps into the dinghy. The first woman looks annoyed and states bluntly that "God will save me". The rescuer shakes his head and drives off.

A few hours go by and the rain begins falling harder and harder. The entire house aside from the roof is submerged.

She hears the sound of a helicopter before she sees it. The helicopter hovers above and throws down a rope ladder.

"Climb up!" Shouts the rescuer.

The woman shakes her head refusing to move "No, god will save me".

The rescuer shakes his head and the helicopter flies off.

Time passes by and the water is now up to the top of the roof. She hears an aeroplane swoop in low overhead, dropping life jackets along the street for anyone left behind.

"No" she shakes her head "God will save me!"

The inevitable happens and after she drowns the storms into heaven upset. "God! Why didn't you save me?"

He looks to her and rolls his eyes. "Well I sent a boat, a helicopter and a life jacket what else do you want me to do?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Projectors. (x-post from tumblr)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naggers123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the government’s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

β€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says β€œdeal”.

The beef farmer carries on:

β€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and this policy doesn’t mean I need to sell half my cows, I’ll give you free steaks for a year. But if I’m right, and I do need to sell half my cows, you have to give me your prized boar, pumba”.

The pig farmer is confident that the beef farmer won’t need to sell any cows. So he says β€œdeal”.

12 months pass following the introduction of the live export ban. The government hasn’t repealed the policy, but unfortunately the beef farmer has had to sell most of his cows.

Both farmers reconvene at the pub. The beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

β€œWell, it seems you were right about one thing but wrong about the other...

So... You may have won the cattle, but you’ve lost the boar!”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Got my professor with a chemistry joke!

"NamelessNamek! What's the charge of a hydrogen without an electron."

"It has a plus one charge."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

He chuckled and nobody else did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NamelessNamek
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2016
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When I became a dad I got a buzz cut...

Because doing my hair in the morning was just overhead...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tylerwcdurden
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2016
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Coworkers talking about new windows

Couple of my coworkers were talking about new windows one of them were putting in. As I'm walking to my office, I overhead them saying how the new windows are frosted and look really nice.

Me (interrupting them): Yeah, some of our windows are frosted too. But it's weird because in the winter time, they flake quite a bit for some reason.

Coworker 1: Flake? What do you mean?

Me: Yeah it's weird. My frosted window flakes all the time.

Coworker 2: OMG laughter

A few minutes pass as I grab some lunch and head back to my office.

Coworker 2: Anything else about your windows you'd like to tell us?

Me (after a brief pause): They're grrrrrrrrrrreat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclfusion4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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He enjoyed his new job as a flight attendant on a Transgalactic Express ship. He enjoyed the variety of species & sentients he got to meet. Except for the Plort, who ate large quantities of raw dead flesh.

They always made him put their carrion overhead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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I don't understand why convertibles are so expensive!

They have no overhead!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
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My friend: "roof top yoga? I wonder what that's about.

Me: "they probably have very low overhead costs"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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Actually thought I would get an interesting answer

After my dad sees me looking in wonder at the flock of geese flying in a V shape overhead. I was 8...

Dad: "Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?"

Me: "No, why!?"

Dad: with a huge grin "Because there are more birds on that side!"

I still use this and I'm 20

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lzyscrntn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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Went to the grocery store with my roommate.

I told him I would meet him in the deli because I needed to get food from a different section. We come out of the aisle, right where the packaged meats are (ground beef, sirloins, chicken, etc.) and turn in separate directions. I look at them and notice right away that the overhead lights are on them are not lit. I yell, "Hey, John! John!" and he looks back at me. I point to them and say, "Dark meat". He looks at me confused, looks at them for a second. He then goes "Aaawwwww!" and throws his hat on the ground.

I'm known for my puns, so his reaction was all the better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyShrimp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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That's not what I wanted for breakfast!

Our six month old just pooped. As I was changing his diaper, I told him that he's gotten some on his penis. My husband overhead and proudly proclaimed, "I guess you could say it's a weinerschnitzel!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ckillgannon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2015
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A Dad forgets his checkbook

I overhead this today while in line at an electronics store.

Young male cashier: That'll be $14.50

Dad: I'm sorry, I forgot my checkbook. Do you accept Federal Reserve Notes?

Cashier: (-_-)

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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My Dad got me while we were buying lunch

We were buying lunch in the mall and I noticed that I was taller than all of the workers there.

Me: "They only hire short people here"

Him: "Yeah, it help keeps their overhead down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDan109
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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My wife can even make dad jokes!

I was telling her about a $10,000 scissor lift that ferrari dealers have to buy to work on the Ferrari Enzo.

Me: "To even change the oil, the dealer has to buy that lift to get the car up to working height."

Wife: "That sounds like some expensive overhead."

Me: High five

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ponyflash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2014
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Another teacher joke, though he was probably a dad too.

A friend of mine had a teacher in high school that, like many others, would write notes on the overhead or the whiteboard and, like many others, would end up standing in in the way of the text sooner or later.

If a student would ask "Mr. ____, can you move?" implying that they need him to move out of the way of their view of the text, he'd reply "Yes, I can!" and jump up and down in place, flailing his arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenKeys88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
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While watching a flock of geese flying overhead in a V formation.

My Dad says, "Son, do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?" I said, "No Dad, why?" He deadpans, "More geese on that side."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParkingLotRanger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2015
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