The second one sayโs โwell put some cold water in it thenโ
Wife: "It's sunny outside"
Me: <continuing> "...the rain will be light."
A cow with no lips.
It's a Celt kilt cult.
The Ooh Aah Bird is so called because it lays square eggs
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I told her it's unfair to make a judgment in less than a minute.
He always wanted a purebred.
Itโs just every time you ask them a question they are either too excited โOoh Oohโ or nervous โUhh Uhhโ to ever finish their thought.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying โOoh, I love how smooth it is.โ
Me: Ooh, they have carrot cake cookies!
Wife: I don't care.
Me: No, you don't carrot!
Tomorrow, a group of friends are having a Skype party trivia night and I need help trying to think of a punny name that involves โCOVID-19โ
Anyone got any ideas?
Despite having a huge fan base.
It was a Toto failure.
Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.
The dad suddenly sits up, sniffs the air and runs to the narrow opening.
"Somebody is baking! I smell nutmeg!"
The mother runs over and wedges herself in the remaining opening.
"Ooh! I smell vanilla and cinnamon!"
The baby poked and prodded but couldn't get past his mom and dad to smell the outside air.
"Oh man! All I smell is mole asses!"
Dad : โNo, the regular kind.โ
It would be sick.
He said, โFine. Suit yourself.โ
Only you can prevent florist friars.
Can't wait to hear My Corona played again!
He worked it out with a pencil
Igloos it together.
Ooh, were the questions hard?
The man says โno thanks, just a regular doctor pleaseโ
Theyโre pretty handy
Sign language
Layheehoo
we're heading through grocery store checkout. She looks over at the candies and says
"Ooh! Mentos!"
"I already have Mentos."
"Really? Where?"
"On my men feet!"
Dad: you can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
Son: ooh... wait, but what about the glue?
Dad: ah, I knew you'd get stuck there
It gets jalapeรฑo business!
Ground Beef. :)
A state.
Anette
Ooh tell me more about this super salad.
Theyโre from.... GREECE( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Ooh ooh Pygmy!! Pygmy!!
#1: ooh Oeh ah ah!
#2: oh sorry, is it too hot?
Wife says ooh am I coming too?
No Iโm turning the heating off !
The doctor said it was a complete pain in the ass.
โWell, letโs think,โ he responds.
Laura replies, โNo, letโs do something we both can do.โ
I can't wait to get down on one knee nor knee nor knee nor!
With current-sea!
It was two tired
Ooh mami!
Because he was an ore fan.
Me: ooh..Check you out for playing devilโs avocado.
A dell
My Dad and I were watching "Iron Man" on his truck's DVD player while he was driving me home. It cuts to a scene where someone was driving an Audi.
Dad: Ooh, that's a nice car.
Me: Meh, I don't like it.
Dad: You don't like the Audi?
Me: Nope.
Dad: Get out.
Me: You want me to get Audi your car?
Dad: เฒ _เฒ
The groan he emitted was magnificent.
Edit: Individuals seem to be upset about him occasionally watching while he was driving. I apologize if this offends anyone. I talked to him, and he says he will make sure to only watch when he is stopped/parked. I will make sure he does so. Thank you for the concern!
Me: so what brought you to the states?
Him: An airplane.
They were a species of peliwon'ts.
For human rice violations.
All I said was, "thanks for the lyft"
The oh la la lava!
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Puns for Kids
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโt chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? โMy Fare, Ladyโ.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physicianโs garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
โWhatโs purple and 5000 miles long?โ โOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ
Every calendarโs days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โFour bucks,โ says the bartender. โPut it on my bill.โ
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโs a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle canโt stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit โกMy son had just been born, I'm talking freshly cut cord. My mother comes in to see him and notices a bottle of baby shampoo on the table.
"Ooh is that Baby Magic," she asks.
"Nah, he's just an ordinary baby."
Then I realized I was a real dad.
Ooh brr.
(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
Chapters is a book store up here in Canada. A checkout line just opened so we were the first in the line. After paying, the receipt was taking a while to print. The cashier remarked "it's the first printing" to which I replied "ooh those are normally worth more!"
The cashier didn't know what to say and my wife rolled her eyes so hard it looked like she was going to have a stroke.
The barista said to him, "ooh you're so cute!"
I replied, "thanks, but I'm married."
She looked really embarrassed, though I'm not sure if she was embarrassed because of me or for me.
I asked my dad if he had seen "r dadjokes". He said "r dadjokes, or your dadjokes?"
My beard is really growing on me.
http://static.lowensign.com/vcImages/items/600/TS-W3-1A_30X40.875.jpg
A head! where!?
I was looking at a cookbook to come up with some meal ideas for the coming week, and after reading the name of a recipe, my wife said, "Ooh. That sounds good. How do you make that?"
"Well, you start with tea..."
(pause)
"and end with h-a-t"
A few weeks ago, I got a pretty drastic haircut-- it was something akin to a crewcut, when normally I keep my hair relatively shaggy. It had been a few months since the last trim, so I thought I'd try something different.
My mom has never liked my hair when it gets longer, so when I came to visit my folks' home the other night she looked at me, smiled, and said, "Ooh, I like your hair this way."
"Thanks," I replied, "it's growing on me."
So my daughter burned something because she said the skillet was too hot...So I says to her, I says: while she was using it, it was just an "et" because she didn't have the "skill"! Afterwards, I wish someone had said something along the lines of, "ooh, burn!...just like your food!"...that would've been awesome
I recently started playing Fallout. So I went into the living room, sat down, and this happened:
Me: I started playing Fallout yesterday.
Roommate: Ooh, which one?
Me: My chair. (Proceed to fall out of the chair I'm sitting in)
He walked away and wouldn't talk to me for an hour.
My aunt told my dad she had hot pockets in her gloves to keep her hands warm. My dad wittily replied, "Ooh I love Hot Pockets! What flavor do you have, pepperoni or sausage??"
San Diego
phone rings
Dad: Ooh get that for me
Me: why who is it?
Dad: Don't know, might be the phone.
My classmate and I were doing the old rocket-pen trick (You know the one, where you click in the pen and release it and watch it soar into the air.) However, my classmate was having some difficult grasping the intricacies of it.
Classmate: "I just can't seem to get it to lift-off!"
Me: "It appears you have ejectile dysfunction."
Yesterday I was watching a film with the family, with a scene where the main character was driving towards the camera for a while. My Mum said "Ooh, do you know how they film those scenes?"
My Dad and I simultaneously turned to her and said "with a camera".
The pride in his face almost made me well up.
Me: Ooh, they have yakitori here!
Gf: That doesn't sound very good, do they have any yummytori?
Someone: Ooh I think I've eaten something that disagrees with me..
Dad:Gestures with his hand in front of their stomach, symbolizing their stomach talking "No you haven't!!"
"I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?"
"No, the regular kind."
One of them goes โooh ooh ooh ah aha ah ahโ, the other says โwell put some bleeding cold in then!โ
The first monkey says "ooh ooh aah aah"
The second replies "put some cold in then"
