Ohh Puns

Ok ok I will put some cold in then

"Hey Robosho, did you know that there was a major crime today in the Central Valley (California, all this part is true). The thieves got away with stealing over 400,000 dollars worth of walnuts"

Then he added, "yea, the cops called it a real nutcase"

And with a huge grin on his face, he ended , "I made that last part up"

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

I can’t wait.

“Are you?” I asked. My patent screamed. “Ohh, I see,” I said. He screamed even louder.

I guess that time at sundae school paid off...

Guess I’m on a roll

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

“Oh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

Honey dew you love me?

I love you berry much

I think we are a good pear.

Ohh berry sweet! Grape puns!

My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!

My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."

I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"

Groans and laughs ensued.

Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?

I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”

Is now a seasoned veteran

Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.

“Ra Ra Ah Ah Ah Ro Ma Ro Ma Ma Ga Ga Ohh La La” (Lady Gaga)

I walk into his house and he yells, gruffly, "What are you up to?". Seizing my opportunity, I quip back "Ohh about 6 foot 4.". He glares at me for 5 solid seconds and says dryly, "I didn't know they could stack shit that high!". Uncontrollable laughter for the next 5 minutes from him.

RIP Old Man

Massive.

Because it had a nice ring to it.

Me : ohh...um...you know... As a computer engineer I hate bugs.

He wanted to show me something on his phone and handed it to me. The screen was off and when I turned it on the PIN came up to unlock it. He says "Ohh the password is (He just does a short laugh like "Hahahaha")"

Turns out Ha is Thai for 5. Also, that was all he wanted to show me.

Fruit Punch!

Probably the 100th repost, sorry.

Joke teller: “it was Reese... ohh what was her name..Reese..”

Person: “Witherspoon?!”

Joke teller: “No I just told you it was with her fork!”

My Dad has always been a bit cool (plays in bands, hangs around with much younger guys etc) but at the weekend, on his 67th birthday, he FINALLY Dad joked me.

We were talking about the local rugby team and I said "They're playing a French team. I think it's Toulouse?"

He said "That's not very positive is it? Playing to lose."

"No wait," I said, checking the website, "They're playing Toulon!"

"Ohh, well in that case, it won't be a short game...."

I finally feel like a proper daughter.

I now have so much respect for all the jokes in here,

So i just became a dad on Friday to a beautiful baby girl and my story goes like this.

Today a Midwife came into the room where my wife and I were and started with a speech " Hi my name is !editingoutinfo! I was wondering if i can take a blood sample from the baby, It's voluntary, it's for statistics and it gets sent out to a lab and they test for all rare conditions, they are going to test her genes and..."

At which point i stopped her and said "we haven't got any jeans for her, everyone has been buying her pink dresses"

she gave me a pity laugh and said "ohh the dad jokes are starting already"

What is happening to me?

We had a work party this past weekend that required a lot of walking and standing.

When I woke up the next day, my leg was hurting. When I told my wife she asked where on my leg.

"Its like the top of my shin," I told her. She replied, "Ohh. I bet its because of the shindig we were at last night." I looked at her and she had a little grin on her face.

I, of course, had to groan in reply as she was giddy with herself.

Ohh! Sorry I mean "sin" curve

A.I., A.I., Ohh

Me: "Do you think I should study abroad? "

Dad: "I think you've already studied enough broads."

Ohh man...

her: my fortune cookie doesn't have a fortune in it

me: ohh no, that's unfortunate

Teacher: Ohh paulypoopsalot you got a haircut.

Me: No, I got all of them cut.

Needless to say I lost it while the whole class stared at me.

I brought my son in to my office the other day, and he asked me why my filing cabinet had such a big lock on it.

"That's where I keep all my secret files," I replied.

"Ohh," he said, "So, then the stuff on the top drawer must be top secret."

Went to go visit my family this weekend

Ohh_no's dad: Growing a beard huh?

Ohh_no: Yeah I don't know how I feel about it yet.

Ohh_no's dad: eh it grows on you!