Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
"Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
Attire
If you look up the word "flabby".
Sorry, it's a picture!
eye love you.
The guy that sits next to me at work was cleaning out his drawer. He knows that I like tea, and found some in the drawer.
Coworker " Hey, Here's some cranberry apple tea you can have."
(I didn't even think, The dad joke just happened)
Me " Cranberry Apple huh? That's not really my.. Cup of.. Tea"
Him "Groan, nice pun"
https://preview.redd.it/vdgm4o572r161.png?width=602&format=png&auto=webp&s=48021aa477ac1a79c304541e4f4ae780840b0734
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
" I can't be sweet, you're diabetic "
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
The hostess asked us if we had a reservation. Without missing, a beat my dad said, “No, I am fully confident I want to eat here.“
Dad: No I'm putting up in the living room.
They gave me the boot.
German kids are always Kinder.
A barberqueue
So naturally I said yes, matcha-bliged
So I have an uncle, once removed.
'Cos they never want a beef with anyone.
They’re pointless.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!
But sometimes I wish I would've known my real-ladder.
It’d be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.
A chew chew train
Mostly because they're all like 4000 miles away and I don't have a passport.
It's a rare medium well done.
Step 28
Step 27
Step 24
Step 21
Step 16
Step 12
Step 7
Step 3
Step 1
A tire.
A tire
