Rita was in the middle of whipping some eggs when she spotted the mailman from her kitchen window. "Oh!" she cried. "He's here!"
It had become something of a ritual. Since ordering a samsaragenetics test online for her and Philip's tenth anniversary she would race to the mailbox to see whether their results had arrived. Letting out a small squeal of glee, she discovered that this was the day. It had arrived.
Philip had not exactly shared his wife's enthusiasm to the fullest. He had feared that in all his past lives he had been various kinds of bugs. A cockroach in New Guinea. A beetle in London. A larvae prematurely squashed by a tourist in the Philippines. It had done a number on his nerves, to say the least.
"Aren't you excited?" said Rita and Philip responded, why yes of course. While he might be terrified to learn of his forgotten past, he would die before he stole a smidgen of joy from his beloved wife. "Let's see what we have in store. I mean, what he had in store."
Thank you for choosing TransAnima™. Based on your samples, we have reconstructed your past lives and composed profiles on the individuals with whom you have shared your destiny. We hope that you will be pleased with these results, though we do warn that some of them may be unexpected.
The past is the past. The present is the present. TransAnima™ is the leading provider on the market for all your samsaragenetic needs.
Carefully, as if removing a hair from Rita's eye, Philip turned the page.
"Oh!" said Rita. "That must be mine."
Rita Bornsburough: 5 matches.
"How delightful," she said. "Five ancestors in spirit. All people I have been. Lives I have lived. Oh, dear Philip. I don't know if I am ready for this."
"The feeling is mutual," he said.
"You know what?" she said. "Before reading mine, let's see how many matches you got. We can make it a little contest, even. The one with the least ones has to do the dishes."
She shot him a coy smile, and Philip did his best to reciprocate it. "A game. Yes, yes. That sounds like it would spice things up."
"Alright then. It's settled. So let's take a look ..."
Flipping over a couple of pages, Rita landed on one where the face of a weary Navajo warrior greeted them.
Note: This image is a reconstruction of what your ancestor may have looked like.
"Oh, look," she said. "I was a warrior. An Indian. Yes, I think I have always known. When I was a little girl I always wanted to dress up like Pocahontas. No one had told me to do it. I came up wi
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
