I would like to see a heart attack
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EthanoicAcid2203
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa

After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: "Man, you're a cheetah" and the cheetah says: "Naw man you're a lion".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What singer would be the biggest advocator for romantic abstinence?

Lil Naw Sex

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyZillion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I tried to rob a bank but the vault was covered in a thin layer of aluminum

Needless to say, my plans were foiled

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElizaWolf8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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The first photograph of a black hole was released

It sucks

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumplingBoiii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I really wish I knew who removed the jack from under the car I was working on.

The suspension is killing me.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Why do dogs float in water?

Because they're good buoys.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Borda922
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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Wood You?
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B0st0n_S0x
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Is it still called beef when vegans fight

It depends on what's at steak

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maddvloggs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I have a friend that was frozen to absolute zero once...

He was 0K

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsowders
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
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A blind guy goes into the closing store, grabs his dog by the tail and begins to spin. A worker shocked by the sight asked "sir may i help you please". The guy smiles and says.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyosk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Wanna hear a cat joke?

Naw, I’m just kitten

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronin_777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Accidental Jesus dad joke

I recently tore all the ligaments in my ankle and I’m still in rehab. I was on the sidewalk concentrating on my crutches when a construction worker popped up in front of me. Initially I thought he was going to tell me I was walking under something dangerous; halfway through I thought he was going to ask me out; then Jesus happened:

β€œHey, that looks like it hurts!”

β€œNaw, it’s not bad, it’s much better now.”

β€œRunning? Skiing? How’d you do it?”

β€œRock climbing.”

β€œRock climbing! Wow, so you must be strong, eh?”

β€œYeah, I’m ripped.”

β€œ … ripped? Really?”

β€œYeah, I’m super ripped.”

β€œ … oh. Wow. Not joking.”

β€œYeah, I’m joking. I’m not actually ripped.”

β€œ … ahaha … hah. That was good.”

β€œYep.”

β€œSo, I’m Christian.”

β€œHi, Christian.”

β€œ... and I don’t know if you’ve read the Bible, but the Bible says that laying on of hands, especially for our fellow Christians, will heal. And I’ve …” etc.

It took me a block to realize that I’d accidentally made a Dad joke.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Texting my dad this morning, he asks "So did you get beat up?"

I say "naw, like the opposite." "Oh, so a beat down"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Is it gay when the Doublemint Twins make out?

Naw, they're just exspearminting.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAnything
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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What's a Pirate's Favorite Letter?

Me: Arrrrrrr! Dad: Naw, it's tha C" we really love.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Polabeya
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
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Did you get your hair cut?

Just one? You got one hair cut.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukasdurler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
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German

Gf: "German is actually quite difficult."

Me: "Naw, it's not THAT hard."

Gf: "Well, it's just so hard to say!"

Me: "Son, say German."

4yo son: "Jehr-muhn."

Me: "See? Even a 4 year old can do it."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MNITrenton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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Did you want any of this cheese?

Naw its ok, havarti tried it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marshmcdan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
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Dadjoked my girlfriend yesterday

We saw a post on Imgur about movie stars being ageless, and she started going on about Sandra Bullock...

GF: How the heck does Sandra Bullock look better now than she did in the 90s? What is her secret? And don't tell me it's genes.

Me: Jeans? Naw, I mostly see her in slacks and dresses, so it can't be that.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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Watching a video of Adele performing when my friend walks in...

Friend: is that Adele? Me: naw it's a Mac

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jakerz73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2014
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Old man next to me just dadjoked the bartender

Guy: can I have a glass of water?

Bartender: sure, would you like a straw?

Guy: naw, those are for suckers

0_____0

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proxproxy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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Drunk friend came out with this.

We are sitting having an Indian take-away...

Me: "is that naan bread?"

Friend: "naw mate its grandad bread"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanmack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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Coworker's Dad Joke

Context: We were talking about our company, which is ridiculously cheap.

Him: [Company], building stereotypes. That's their new slogan.

Me: I like it! Sell it to our CEO, I'm sure it'll fly.

Him: Naw, he takes the grey gound

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caesarten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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An older family friend dropped this one at a get-together.

"Did you know March Madness is over?"

"Really? I thought there were some games left?"

"Naw it's April Madness now." guffaws

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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Wanna hear a cat joke?

Naw, I’m just kitten

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronin_777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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