What do you get when you put a bodybuilder in a sauna?... Steamed mussels!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rob85048
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Mussel injuries are the worst.

I went to the seafood disco last week but I came back early because....

I pulled a muscle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaiTeaNotTaiChi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My niece was talking mussels from her father's bowl and left none for him.

Me: Did you just take all of your dad's mussels?

Her, grinning: Yup!

Me: Isn't that a little shellfish?

(Explosion of laughs from the children and eye rolls from the adults)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the clam say to the mussel?

You make me feel so spe-SHELL.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/studiolxv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Mussels, scallops and oysters never share

They're shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wotmate
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Mussels off the coast of Seattle test positive for opioids

If they had tested positive for marijuana, would they be baked mussels?

Mussels off the coast of Seattle test positive for opioids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IchWillRingen
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
They say we are what we eat... bodybuilders must eat a lot of mussels
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnowmanOlaf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
At work I dropped a bucket filled with mussels

Co worker asked "geez have a muscle spasm?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zoob123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
🚨︎ report
"I want some mussels"

"Well, you gotta work out"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shanstermon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
🚨︎ report
I asked some clams to help me move but all they wanted to do was sit there and breathe seawater.

I told them they were just being shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My GF left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants

Turns out she was only with me for my mussels

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJBGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you wanna know why people with shell fish allergies can’t be body builders?

Because they can’t have mussels.

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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Why did the fisherman catch more on his second trip?

Because of his mussel memory

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Almazan__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend has a mollusk farm which he says gives him a good workout...

He has big mussels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m feeling pretty sore after tripping over some clams.

I think I might’ve pulled a mussel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do fish impress the ladies?

They flex their mussels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azreal_Mistwalker
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a clam learn to play an instrument?

Mussel memory!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rougetoad49
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend gets a real good workout at his giant bivalve mollusc farm...

He has big mussels!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are sea lions so strong?

Because they love big mussels

Credit to my good friend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/richcowlonglegs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the shellfish go to the gym?

To get stronger mussels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carrocko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What makes shellfish so smart?

Their mussel memory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrayonFox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My sister recently found out she’s lactose intolerant

She is also allergic to musselsβ€”but oddly enough no other shellfish. I told her it’s a good thing her boyfriend isn’t a body builder, since she’s allergic to mussels and milk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nepiton
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my dad during Mother 's Day Brunch

We had ordered mussels and were destroying them. We couldn't stop talking about how great they were.

Dad: "god damn I've had some good mussels in my life but these are amazing. I've got to remember to come here again."

Me: "Make sure to eat as many as you can."

Dad: "Why's that?"

Me, giggling: "Mussel memory."

groans from everyone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrIQy
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
🚨︎ report
What profession has the best muscle memory?

Marine Biologists!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoursweetlord70
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Why was the shellfish taking drugs?

Because it had sore mussels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/airhogg
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the prawn say to the scallop at the party?

"I have to go, I think I've pulled a mussel!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goopzilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a seafood disco last week...

and pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer go for a run?

He pulled a mussel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/telumindel
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a seafood disco

and I couldn’t dance because I pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wings_of_Fire312
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a seafood disco last weekend.

I pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to search for clams on the beach

But then I pulled a mussel

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reditt_username
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the oyster that over did it on the dance floor?

He pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoVeryKerry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend dumped me when I stopped taking her to Seafood restaurants.

Turns out she was only with me for my mussels

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingChef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn’s cocktail party?

He pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CYBERSson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
So I walked over to a seafood restaurant yesterday

And I pulled a muscle

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuintonFlynn
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Which type of food is toughest on your body to eat?

Shellfish, you could really pull a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandaman184
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the shellfish go to the seafood disco?

He pulled a mussel

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wicked_Potato-75
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are oceans so strong?

Because, of all the mussels.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the police say when they raided the seafood restaurant?

Don't move a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the body builder who ate sea food?

He had a lot of mussels.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NINJAQKk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shellfish who went to the disco?

He pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What is a clams favorite beach?

Mussel beach.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtRocko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I still remember fondly the first time my Dad took me to a wonderful seafood restaurant.

I’ll never forget it. A great mussel memory.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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