What do you call the mixture of American literature and alcohol?

Tequila Mockingbird.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GedT1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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What do an evenly distributed mixture and a really smart gay dude have in common?

They're both homogeneous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minizatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I tried to make a yeast and flour mixture to get my Indian bread recipe going . . .

turns out it was a naan starter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBooRadley
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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The latest Hollywood health craze is to regularly drink a mixture of almond milk and milk of magnesia.

It's called a Blue Diamond Phillips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GRWeston
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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Technically
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pinkpunther96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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What is the medicine vampires takes when sick ?

A coffin mixture !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lochltar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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My mom's been cackling at this bad pun for three days.

So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.

So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.

I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."

I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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Cooking with the girlfriend

My girlfriend and I were making homemade mozzarella sticks while drinking a few beers.

I asked her how many eggs to put in the mixture and she said "two."

So I responded with "oh, you mean Dos-Eggies?"

She didn't find it nearly as funny as I did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/veetoe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2016
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The padawan has become the master. Got my dad.

While driving around today running errands.

Dad: I'm gonna stop here at Sonic. I'm in the mood for an Iced Tea.

Me: I'm more of an LL Cool J guy myself, but I can make an exception.

He looked at me with a mixture of "ugh" and "I'm so proud"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justinerwin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
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What do you call a brilliant and gay chemist?

A Homo-Genius Mixture

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πŸ‘€︎ u/divad31
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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My dad used to get under my skin with this...

Whenver I ask my dad for anything this would be his response:

Me: "Hey dad, could you pass me a napkin?"

Him: "I sure can!" (Followed by a stare and no movement)

Me: "So can I get that napkin?"

Him: "You most definitely can"

It was the greatest mixture of annoyance and dad humor that used to urk me to no end but looking back at it one that I will definitely use on my kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pkmnkiller41
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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She saw an otter.

Driving down a remote country road...

Wife: Hey, there is an otter over there!! (pointing out her window)

Me: Well I otter [ought to] go back and take a look!

Followed by a mixture of groans, facepalms, and slow clap from kids and wife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewjy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2016
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Intercultural Dad Joke

Background: I'm living in Germany and have a German roommate who can speak some English. He did Realschule (completed 10th grade), but mostly ditched classes. I try to teach him when I can and vice versa.

We were watching Walking Dead. The episode was right after the prison gets stormed. Rick and Carl lock themselves in a house, and Carl ties a knot that he's super proud of... Blablabla... A few minutes later, knot is quickly falling apart as zombies try to break in.

I absentmindedly said: "Cool knot, bro" Roommate: "(K)not cool, bro"

I just looked at him with a mixture of surprise, pride, and wondering still if he knows what a dad joke is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ostapack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Got the whole council with this one...

I am on the city council and we had a workshop about why utility rates are lower inside the city compared to outside.

It came down to this:

  1. No study was done to show the validity of the difference.
  2. It was strictly a policy decision with an arbitrary number.
  3. The reason for this approach was simply that it is "standard in the industry" and because it is "what every other city does".

Prefacing that I was a dad so I had to say it: I suggested the rational wasn't the most sound since "just because every other city jumped off a bridge, it didn't mean I wasn't going to jump off a bridge."

Mixture of groans and laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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My Dad trying to be clever in the Kitchen

My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.

"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."

"Were you going to season it?"

"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.

"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.

"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.

"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.

"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing to capture a shot, he winked.

.

.

.

TL;DR I'm pretty sure you have enough thyme to read it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/erydayimredditing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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My dad and brother teamed up!

I'm home for the holidays so I was lying down in my room when suddenly my brother and father burst in! My brother is holding a tape measure.

They say "Hey, check out this new physics we've invented!" while my brother fiddles with the tape measure.

I looked up and with a mixture of horror and resignation I asked "What?"

"It's the principle of BELLYTIVITY!" while stretching the tape measure between their belly buttons.

Cackling they both ran out of the room.

I'm stuck here for five more weeks. I don't think I'm gonna make it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Eschaton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Oh dear.

My husband to my daughter not five minutes ago.

I went to buy some house paints the other day... I had a mixture of emulsions.

Somebody, please help me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arethusabangbang
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
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