I listen to every type of music except heavy metal

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?

Sleigh-er.

πŸ‘︎ 166
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I joined to pieces of metal today without nuts and bolts or welding

The whole process was riveting

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What kind of net catches metal?

A magnet.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease

We're called "Gluten for Punishment."

Our first single is "Bread or Alive."

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrranger11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Metal Fan
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalsaLoseSix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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The corresponding adjective for "metal" is "metallic"

But that's not the case for "iron", which is ironic.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silvermech_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory

I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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2 metal workers got married....

It was a beautiful welding.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, /r/Jokes/comments/jzi22z/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEdgeOfDawn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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I apopted a dog from a blacksmith today

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door

πŸ‘︎ 898
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acideath
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together

At first it’s boring and then it’s Riveting!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAvacadoBandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..

..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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How do you know all woodpeckers love heavy metal music?

Because they’re all head bangers. (Credit to my 11 year old).

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacPickle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. /r/Jokes/comments/j6b0uc/…
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alasimhere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.

Turns out...it was a safe purchase.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Harry Houdini was allergic to the metal they used to make handcuffs...

Every time they put a pair on him, he'd break out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somethinggood4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I ordered some big metal letters.

I wanted to make a sign that said "YOU & ME". So, I ordered some big metal letters.

When they arrived, the box was very damaged. I checked if everything was there, but the iron E was lost on me.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920’s and owned by really wealthy man. There could’ve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didn’t want to bid anymore than $100 on it.

I thought it was a safe bet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schutwo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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What have you got to add to metal to get heavy metal?

lica

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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A huge metal fan
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicBro16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timmy12er
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...

It was jarring!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Hi a huge metal fan, I'm dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyclone9175
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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The Three States of Metal Gear.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DEMSH00T3R
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Huge metal fan!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lgm225
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Metal fan
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blitzcrig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends...

When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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I’m not into Metal Bands....

...just into Rubber Bands!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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What kind of fish is made from two sodium atoms?

2Na

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Windmills

Two windmills near Palm Springs were chatting and the one turns to the other and asks:

β€œWhat music do you like?”

The other windmill thinks for a while and responds:

β€œI’m a metal fan”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tthrivi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Two wind turbines stood in a field one wind turbine asks the other wind turbine "What type of music do you like?" The other wind turbine replies..

"I'm a huge metal fan"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?

Silverware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blobmouth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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"My ex couldn't name a single metal band from the 80s."

"Slayer?"

"No, I just shook my head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Rusted Metal!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/strychinine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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What do metals call their friends

their chromies

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXProReaps501Xx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Our church just replaced our giant wood pulpit for a smaller metal pulpit that is equally heavy.

We are now a heavy metal church.

We will be introducing Black Sabbath to our worship set soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cruckel2687
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Trash metal, anyone?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punderants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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My son wanted to go on the metal slide at the park today, it was 38Β°c

I told him that was suislide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadMeemo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Went to a German dentist convention where they wanted donations of metals.

I told them β€œNein, out of tin.” Dentists agreed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob0128
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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How did Metallica get such a heavy metal sound?

It was their lead guitar

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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What's Santa's favourite metal band?

Sleigher.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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The adjective for metal is metallic. But not so for iron...

Which is ironic!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jotalaja
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Ironic

The adjective for metal is metallic.

But not so for iron.

Which is ironic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gordonjames62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My friend called me to say that he’s starting a new Metal band called Spinal Column.

I said, β€œCan I call you Back?”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
2 windmills are in a field. One asks: "What kind of music do you like?"

The other responds: "Well, I'm a big metal fan".

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Master_Achi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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