(X-post) Weaponized Saber-tooth cats would be a real menace.

They're armed to the teeth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. πŸ€ͺ🀣

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Hopalong Happychopper walks into the saloon and the bartender says, "Howdy stranger, ain't seen you in these parts, so you must be here to watch the hanging!" Hopalong looks the bartender menacingly in the eyes and replies, "Nope, but seeing we're talking, who are you hanging?"

The bartender responds, "Well, ain't you heard cowboy, we gonna string up Brown Paper Rattler mighty high, even the angels are gonna hear his neck break!"

Hopalong asks, "Why they call him Brown Paper Rattler?"

The bartender chuckles, "Why, old Rattler wears a brown paper Stetson, a brown paper waistcoat and even right down to brown paper socks."

Puzzled, Hopalong then asks, "So why you hanging him?"

...and the bartender replies, "For rustling."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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There's a detective named Frederick Lee...

His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, β€œFred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before."

So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.

So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.

The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".

So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.

But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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This might be so old it's new again

A comedian backed by the Mafia was doing a show in New York. In the audience was group of foreign religious leaders, in town for a UN conference. Oddly, that group was very vocal in their heckling of the poor comic. Particularly vociferous was the Hindu leader from India.

Noticing this from offstage, the Mafia Don told one of his thugs to make his way to their section and menacingly "encourage" them that they should "shaddap already".

The thug asked the Don if there was one of the group who should receive... "extra-strength" encouragement. The Don replied "Yes. Weigh down upon the Swami ribber".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SQLDave
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Breaking Dad

After making my girlfriend laugh at a series of dumb jokes I menacingly declared: "I am the laughter."

"I am the one who knock knocks"

This is now her favorite thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themarknight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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I got my roommate yesterday .

Him: Man, these Star Wars jokes are annoying.

Me: You could say they are Phantom Menace.

Him: Glares at me.

Happy Revenge of the Fifth!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bakon65
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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Weaponized Saber-tooth cats would be a real menace.

They're armed to the teeth.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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