Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.
Wife: What are you thinking?
Me: Business casual.
Itโs two Chewie.
Son replies: "Why you so salty?"
Raising them right.
Hey guys, relatively new dad here. Pretty proud of myself because this came naturally. My 7 mo daughter, wife and I were hiking yesterday. My daughter was strapped to the front of me, and she started to stink. We found a field to lay her on her changing mat and change her diaper. She had a complete explosion so it required an outfit change. I looked up at my wife and said โlooks like Iโll be performing a field dressingโ. Corny af I know, but it made my wife laugh ๐!
A Mos-cow
You better Appa-logize right now or else!
Mos-keto
Because it was mo-chilla
A mo-squito...
I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.
Presidentures
A painting by Claude Monet was recently discovered. It's an illustration of a man's nose. The museum decided to title it Mon Nez
Explanation :
Mon and nez are respectively French for my and nose. If one pronounces mon and nez correctly, and rapidly, it sounds a bit like Monet (mo-nรฉnรจ)
Edit: I made an error with the accents; chose aigu (รฉ) instead of grave (รจ)
... like moUths to a flame.
Me: Meet me at Mo's Egg House at 8AM. The rental place opens at 9AM and we can get some breakfast. Boyfriend: I know eggsactly where that is.
It's nice to know if they get married and have kids my grandchildren will be in good hands.
" - Eenie, Meenie, Miney, and Fred." " - What about Moe?" "- Oh, she don't want no mo'.."
because there was mo of it
Mormon Emo Problems
An heir vent.
Because Disney made Frozen about Elsa and then they thought, "We need mo' Anna."
Edit: Just a Dad on here trying to sharpen his punchlines.
They were discussing an advent calendar which had angered people because the part of Baby Jesus was played by a sausage.
One of the panelists, I think Mo Rocca, quipped that people were frank-incensed.
But it got shot down
They cell phones.
(Uk version) Why do companies like EE and O2 ban women called Maureenโs from stores?
Because MO BUY ALL (mobile) phones.
I work in a phone shop so I may have found these funnier than I should have
... Nous mo(u)rons.
I went to a diner called Mo's Egg House to grab some breakfast with some friends. We ended up ordering two eggs benedicts and two eggs florentine.
The waitress said "Wow, you guys are easy." To which I replied "overeasy."
Everyone hates me now. I love it.
Notices that in Season 6 rapper Mos Def is listed as just Mos in the credits. Promptly says "I guess he got his hearing back!"
He said: "Me-oww. You-oww. We-oww... NoMoOwe"
Walking past a store called Lester's..
Friend: you know why they don't build any of these stores anymore?
Me: no, why?
Friend: because they don't want mo'lesters
When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.
Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.
"Dad, what're those?" I inquired
"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"
And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.
http://imgur.com/MoL8R2d
phone starts ringing, says its a telemarketer from "MO"
me: Dad, MO is Montana, right?
Dad: No, its Missouri.
Me: Why MO? Nobody notices the "O" in Missouri.
Dad: There's a lot of other states that start with an "M".
Me: What about MR? What does that one stand for?
...then my dad looks at me and smiles and says "Mister"... I rolled my eyes and went back to my room.
