It's a Gift Puns

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

‘Cos she’s worth it.

After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense

It might be stupid, but it's a perfect 5/7, wood repost again.

Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.

I said, "That's deep"

"yes, you can start packing your stuff tommorow"

I thought it was a very nice plot.

I am now Independent.

omnipresents?

After all, it is Sunday, too.

.. It can't be returned and only comes with a one year warranty.

It’s a gift

Not sure if this is allowed here. But I thought I’d give it a try.

I’m buying a stand mixer for my SO’s birthday. I was looking to add a note to the gift that’s punny. “I hope the treats you make with this are as sweet as you”. That ones terrible. I think?

But I would definitely love some help. Thank you.

It's a gift.

My pregnant wife was just wondering if the hospital's gift shop was open.

I asked "Why?"

She said she wanted to get something nice. It'll be our last kid. Just something to say "I knew I had it in me to give birth..." Then she chuckled proudly.

It’s a gift.

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says “coolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

• I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that “creative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

“You will have your cake and eat it too.”

PS: this is the best gift I can get today.

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said “I am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said “No way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad “You cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked “well, what is it?”

He said “Dave Buttlicker”.

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

“...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

It’s more of a gag gift.

You can say.....it’s a gift.

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

It was ...a house warming gift.

Our Golf Pun contest is starting tonight at 5PM EST. It's free to enter. Winner gets $150 Amazon eGift Card .........

Please invite all the punsters you'd like .......... https://golfpuns.com/index.php

Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.

Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.

Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

“Ab rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked “birthday,” and said:

“Pick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"

My dad is 80.....i'm 53. My sister gave him some stockings (like knee socks) from the Vatican that the Pope supposedly wears. Don't ask why it's not important. Odd gift but anyway.....

Dad: "Hmmm.... well that present couldn't be any holier."

Me: "Well if the socks had holes in them they would be holier."

My Dad: "jesus christ" <while stifling a chuckle>

my 20ish adult Kids: <blank stare and power down look>

I was so proud.

It's a gift.

I know this isn't strictly a Dad joke, but I feel it is in the spirit of the thing. My dad is getting is getting his leg amputated in January. Essentially he has no cartilage in his ankle, and it causes him severe pain all the time. He has an amazing sense of humor, so I wanted to get him a gift basket of foot-based things. So far I have: -fruit by the foot -Happy Feet -Footloose -an Ihop gift card -pack of tube socks (since now he gets 2 for 1) -Bologna (because his amputation is below knee) -a card saying congrats on the weight loss -all put inside of a stocking

What other foot based pun items would you include in the gift basket?

He wouldn’t accept any compensation. Called it our house warming gift.

I've been throwing out some popcorn and sometimes bread crumbs instead of composting it. They like it. And I like them. They'll CAW at me sometimes when I get in the car.

I've heard that Crows....when they like you...they'll leave little gifts for you on your door step. Shining things, like bits of foil, bottle caps, buttons...etc.

And while it's not explicitly stated...they do expect something in return.

It's Quid Pro Crow.

There are many tales that have come from Viking lore but few are as lost as the tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.

It was said that he was blessed by God's with a keen ability to predict the weather. Due to this magical gift, he became a renowned seaman. Feared by his enemies, and respected by his bannermen. After years of successful raids and conquests, one of his shield maidens finally plucked up the courage and asked him how he does it.

"Bran, how do you always predict the weather? How have you always, managed to avoid every storm the sea throws at you". All his men laughed and looked up at their leader. Before he could respond, his right-hand man stood up and with a smile on his face and retorted, " It's simple. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

It’s a gift.

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

“...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

You can say.... it’s a gift.

It's a gift.

its a gift

It’s a gift.

It’s a gift.