What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the imperial proctologist?

These aren’t the β€˜rhoids you’re looking for.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gbarwis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Why do Americans think cow tipping is hard.

It is difficult to calculate 20% in Imperial System

>!This is a play on the word "tipping", which means....(A)Pushing a cow over.............(B)Tipping a generous amount of 20% after dinner!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdeal888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Metric > Imperial
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginganinja709
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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Policeman: What's your name? Me: The Wizard of Oz. Policeman: What's your full name?

Me (quietly): The Wizard of Ounces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amar610
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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What does a Mandalorian say when they see they've gained a few pounds?

This is the Weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Our country is about to switch from imperial to metric units.

There will be mass confusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Since the US is the only country that uses British Imperial Units, it’s ironically the only former British colony to still have British rulers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dazzler_wbacc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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A European woman told me how tall she was in cm. I asked what that was in Imperial units

She said she can't do that "foreign height".

I told her, "No, that's for temperature. Tall is feet and inches!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Me, to my wife: Do you want to have dinner with one of the Imperial rulers of Germany?

Her: I’m not going to Burger King again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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If Britain would ever switch over to the imperial system...

The chaps would likely have to go to a pub to have a pint and complain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Where are the people I am looking for?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qrefahrt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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How does C3P0 get to the imperial base on Endor?

Ewoks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Give_Me_The_Lute
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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Why dont imperials (skyrim) have many friends?

Because they live in solitude

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZvKGaming45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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In a galaxy far far away

A rebel pilot and an imperial pilot had a race around the deathstar to see who had the faster ship. It was a tie!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spbslinky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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What did the Romans use to cut pizza?

Little Caesars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldaddy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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I'm a member of the Galactic Senate on a dimplomatic mission to Alderaan - Princess Leia

Hi, I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan, I'm dad - Darth Vader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwelshie64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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As a recent college grad, I had a realization.

I understand my field to a degree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsProfOak
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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So my math textbook has a "Math Humor" section...

http://imgur.com/a/IXCKw

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adobeflashcrashed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2015
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Girlfriend asked me what meal I wanted for my birthday... She gets me

https://imgur.com/a/86LSZ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkV
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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Beatles in the produce...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enigmastrat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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Why was the Death Star measured in miles?

Because they used Imperial units.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Adopting the metric system would help make US neighborhoods so much more livable

Under the current Imperial system, every three feet is a new yard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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People think that Irma's storm surge of 10-15 feet is unfathomable.

They're wrong. It's between 1 and 2/3 fathom and 2 and 1/2 fathoms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManChildMusician
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2017
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How big is an AT-AT on Star Wars?

Four Imperial Feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BholeFire
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Driving with my dad...

... and the band Metric is on the radio and my dad says "did you know they used to known as 'Imperial'?"
Took me a moment to get it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/svenson_26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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When Americans say β€œWe don’t use the metric system...”

It’s the Imperial we.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorujaGO
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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