Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?

.... because they’re full of anty bodies

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👤︎ u/Finneagan
📅︎ Dec 19 2020
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A colony of sealions
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👤︎ u/Frexxia
📅︎ Oct 13 2020
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Somebody drilled a hole in the fence around the nudist colony

Authorities are looking into it.

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📅︎ Aug 24 2020
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I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first week was the hardest!

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👤︎ u/runew0lf
📅︎ Aug 24 2020
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My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

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👤︎ u/dnizzle
📅︎ Dec 19 2020
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What do you call a nudist colony of whales?
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📅︎ May 23 2020
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Breaking News: Last night someone drilled a hole into the fence surrounding the local nudist colony.

Police are looking into it.

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📅︎ May 08 2020
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A queen ant's job is to keep order in the colony...

She prevents ant-archy!

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👤︎ u/kdryan1
📅︎ May 11 2020
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How do you spot a blind man in a crowded nudist colony?

It isn’t hard...

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📅︎ Apr 16 2020
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A credit union in a Moon colony could be appropriately called Apollo Lunar Lender.
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👤︎ u/kngfbng
📅︎ Feb 14 2020
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

“Look at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. “Earth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

“A new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. “Let us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

“I see”, said the student. “It’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

“That’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. “You just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

“Isn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

“Ahm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. “Oh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

“So you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, “Mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. “And he”, he said, turning to his students, “is clearly the gradi

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👤︎ u/nomnommish
📅︎ Jan 13 2021
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A colony of bacteria walks into a bar. Waiter tells them they're not welcome.

The bacteria say, "But we're staph!"

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📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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Astronauts mix cement in space for the first time, paving the way for future space colonies. astronomy.com/news/2019/0…
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👤︎ u/ghhuy
📅︎ Sep 09 2019
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I bought an ant online for my ant colony

He's important

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📅︎ Oct 01 2019
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My son's ant colony died and he wanted me to say something at their funeral.

I said restaurants.

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📅︎ Mar 22 2019
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Since the US is the only country that uses British Imperial Units, it’s ironically the only former British colony to still have British rulers.
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📅︎ Mar 13 2019
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A vampire bat returned to his colony with a lot of blood on his face. When the other bats asked him what happened he pointed to a building and said: “See that cow barn over there?”

“I didn’t.”

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📅︎ Aug 17 2019
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My son asked me while looking at an ant colony, "Dad, does ant matter?"

I answered negatively, "does ant matter".

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📅︎ Mar 27 2019
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What’s another word for a gay club.

A penal colony

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📅︎ Sep 19 2020
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Where is it most unsafe to play the “pull my finger” game?

At the leper colony.

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👤︎ u/MGreenMN
📅︎ Nov 07 2020
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My wife refused to join my nudist colony

I would call her clothes-minded but that would make me a dickhead.

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👤︎ u/Lyeim
📅︎ Mar 17 2019
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How do you find a blind guy at a nudist colony? Just look around - it isn't very hard.
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👤︎ u/Degtyrev
📅︎ Jan 17 2019
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My friend asked me whether I’m ready to go to the nudist colony.

I was born ready.

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📅︎ Sep 29 2018
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What type of religion will future colonies on the moon follow?

I'm not sure, but it definitely will be Moonotheisitic

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📅︎ Nov 20 2017
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France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...

That was classic Colognialism

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📅︎ Jan 09 2020
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I saw a sign at a Nudist Colony today...

"Clothed for Winter"

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📅︎ Jan 12 2018
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Why do protozoan colonies have horribly overcrowded prisons?

They only have one cell.

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📅︎ Sep 12 2017
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A plan for my (really loose) recreation Romeo and Juliet set in colonial Australia.
  1. Grace, an Aboriginal woman falls in love with a convict called Ed.

  2. Grace's brother, Wilangorga ( commonly known as William) is known for his anger and hate for the English.

  3. That does not stop Grace seeing Ed any time possible.

  4. One night William is out hunting near the town and sees Ed and Grace together

  5. Caught off guard , He tries to scare Ed away so William Shakes Spear.

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📅︎ Apr 13 2016
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The Greek authorities tried to get the lepers at Spinalonga leper colony to swap their healthy babies for babies with leprosy

but a leper never changes its tots.

(My dad made this up when we visited Spinalonga in about 1998...its one of his all time classics. I only remember the punchline so I made up the first bit and its not historically true.)

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👤︎ u/AppleDrops
📅︎ Oct 25 2016
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Jokingly told Dad that I am thinking about joining a nudist colony and he came out with this;

"The first day is meant to be the hardest, you stick out like a sore thumb"

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👤︎ u/7891yc
📅︎ Nov 23 2014
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Why did the Libertarian join the nudist colony?

Their slogan: "Don't thread on me"

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📅︎ Nov 16 2015
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Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.

"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"

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👤︎ u/Jan_Tik
📅︎ Dec 23 2019
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My dad named his puppies Rolex and Timex

He calls them his watch dogs

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👤︎ u/USAisAok
📅︎ Mar 22 2018
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. “WHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothing—just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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📅︎ Feb 03 2019
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How did the judge sentence the notorious kidney thief?

Hard labor in the renal colony.

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👤︎ u/iShark
📅︎ May 30 2018
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My friend made a comment about the house I built out of Doritos

He said "Oh, Cool Ranch?"

Me: Umm...this is clearly a Colonial

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📅︎ Jun 14 2017
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A hole was discovered in the fence surrounding the local nudist colony

Authorities are looking into it

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📅︎ Aug 24 2020
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I recently joined a nudist colony

The first week was the hardest

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👤︎ u/VissA-
📅︎ Aug 23 2019
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How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

It’s not hard.

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📅︎ Sep 13 2018
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I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first few days were the hardest...

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📅︎ Jul 23 2018
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So I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first few days were the hardest.

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📅︎ Apr 14 2016
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I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first few days were the hardest.

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📅︎ Jul 22 2018
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How do you pick out a blind man in a nudist colony?

It's not very hard.

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📅︎ Dec 08 2017
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A hole has been found in the wall of a nudist colony.

The police are looking into it

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👤︎ u/ugh_wasps
📅︎ Nov 07 2017
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There's a hole in the nudist colony wall.

Police are looking into it.

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👤︎ u/shashybaws
📅︎ Apr 15 2016
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