Beware the Ides of March... pic.twitter.com/yzpXlEylb…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?

Attempted Hummus-ide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My compiler is an asshole

He ignores all my comments

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Voldezhur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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Beware the regicides of March

*When it's Pi Day and the ides of March are tomorrow*

Brutus: We've got a man to cons-pi-re against

Cassius: I can't wait for tomorrow. It's such a never-ending day.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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What do you call it when a chickpea kills another chickpea?

Hummus-ide :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiseryAd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
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Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?

It was a hummus-ide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kizman123456789
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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The all staff email as dad joke

A co-worker sent an all staff email today about a planning meeting. It said, "On Sunday it is the Ides of March. But what we really need is ideas for March. Ha ha ha." Never have so many people been dadjoked in one go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mddc52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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Did you hear about the guy who killed his mother with a Tempur-Pedic?

The jury found him guilty of mattress-ide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashtagswagfag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.

-Also,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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