Hubcap Puns

There's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.

Because there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise

...because there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

But there really is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise

Edit: place to plate, credit to /u/wonderquads

We all know there’s no plates like chrome, for the hollandaise

He was tireless.

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

This joke holds a special place in my heart. My grandpa told me it and I never forgot it. About 2 years later when I brought it up to him, he didn't remember it. So I told him the joke and he peed himself laughing ... At his own joke.

"Why did the man ask for his eggs Benedict to be served on a hubcap?"

"Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

I ordered an eggs Benedict with chorizo, and I said, "Did you know eggs Benedict is best served on an old hubcap?"

My dad went, "Really?"

I said, "Yup. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

Because there is no place like chrome for the Hollandaise.

because there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!

because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

Because there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise

There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

because there is no place like chrome for the Hollandaise.

Merry Christmas

"Cause there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."

Fuckin' a, Dad.

...because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.