My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: β€œSure, my door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a friar into a high priest?

You give him a blunt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question β€œHow high are you?”

The drunk driver responds: β€œNo, its β€˜Hi, how are you?’”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The only thing I learned in high school was how to multiply...

and I have eleven kids to prove it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was telling my wife how sometimes I feel really high and sometimes I feel really low.

"Dear, get off the swing" she said.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Police Officer: β€œHow high are you?”

Dad: β€œNo officer, it’s β€˜Hi, how are you?’”

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tony-1610
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rnielsen776
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How come Michael Jackson sings so high?

He used HeHelium

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idsmyself
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How does leather face ask for a high five

β€œGive me some skin”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuTtEr_My_RoLls
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how high you set the thermostat...

It'll always be room temperature

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyCritter83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
"How high are you?"

"No, Officer. It's: 'Hi, how are you?' "

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose

marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do people in Star Trek tolerate high speeds?

They Klingon to something

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/W-eye
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe how high the US mint's budget is.

But I guess you have to spend money to make money

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreg13567
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call a very high stairway with only one stair?

A wall

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prefered4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?

He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s...

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
How do we know hamburgers have high IQs?

They 'loin' fast

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatwondude83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Sea weed.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brykayne
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My co-worker just related to me a story about how her high school cross country team used to re-tell the same joke over and over through out the year.

I asked her if it was a running joke...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jofax88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm always fascinated by how high-tech knives are

They are all cutting edge

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minifiji
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
No matter how high the prices of airline tickets get

you have to admit they're just plain fair.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ottodidakt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
How high is a man from China...

*Haow Hai

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wicklefuk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
🚨︎ report
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, "My door is always open".

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, 'My door is always open!'

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oscidor303
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a fish get high? Seaweed
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tag-on-Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatheraabed
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Egebung
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My landlord wanted to talk to me about how high my heating bills are.

I said, β€œSure. My door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a Roman give a high five?

✌️

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Designed_To
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
How does the ocean get high?

Seaweed

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
"How high are you?"

"No, officer. It's 'Hi, how are you?'"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FalconerGuitars
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I was telling my daughter how sometimes I feel really high and sometimes I feel really low...

She said, "Dad, get off the swing!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
How do sharks get high?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonniePudding
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
🚨︎ report

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