Housing estate Puns

I could really see myself in it

Wife: [Talking about Amazon's Prime Photos app] Me: Did I tell you my friend just bought his house off of Amazon's latest app? Wife: No. What's their latest app? Me: Prime Real Estate. Me: [Gets smacked.]

I work for a real estate website and today I was dealing with a listing that had more bathrooms than bedrooms:

Me: This house has 3 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. I always think those are really weird.

Boss: You know what kind of people those houses are for, right?

Me: ... No?

Boss: People that are always... ON THE GO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: Heh

Boss: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My parents are selling the house and yesterday we had people checking it out along with the real estate agent.

Now I'm a metalhead and that's pretty obvious when you see my room. I got band posters and flags, loads of CD's and two guitars there.

So when it was all over, the agent came to me and told me I have a great taste of music. I told him I expected him to be more of a house guy. I don't think he got it.

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.