A small hospitality firm was recently sued by one of their female employees.
She claimed they created a hostel work environment.
A hospital pun in these covid times!
In an unexpected turn of events my apathetic Muslim friend just opened an eye hospital
He calls it "Asif Eye Care".
A man goes to the hospital where his dad is hospitalized.
The nurse says, "I am sorry sir your Dad is pronounced dead.
The man says, " I can't believe I have been pronouncing it wrong the whole time.
Did youhear about the dog that sat outside a hospital for an entire day
What would you call a hospital for horses?
A man was admitted to hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
What type of doctor is always ready to go to the hospital?
What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
A woman is sick in the hospital. Doctors tell her she only has days to live. She summons for her husband because she has something important to tell him. He rushes to the hospital.
When he arrives she says “I’ve decided what I want for dinner.”
I went in to hospital for a routine operation and was furious when I woke up to find the surgeon had given me a lobotomy
I can tell you, he sure got a piece of my mind.
We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.
The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
What's the biggest difference between male patients in a mental hospital and their female nurses?
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
I told a joke about hemorrhoids in a hospital the other day.
It didn't sit well with some of the patients.
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
A toothless old lady in hospital always gave away the peanuts she was given by her visitors to the nurses to eat.
One day a nurse asked her why she didn't ask for grapes instead of nuts.She replied that you can't get grapes with chocolate coating!
I've just lost my job at the hospital, shaving patients in preparation for spinal surgery...
Because of all the cut backs.
Who is the coolest person at the hospital
Which part of a hospital is the best place to play hide and seek?
My son asked me why I bought a saddle for my father who’s in the hospital
I said, “Because he’s bedridden”
Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.
Doctors say he is in stable condition.
What did the hospital say to the man with 100% of his left side missing?
The doctor says “He’s alright”
The nurse follows “There’s nothing left!
What part of the hospital has the least privacy?
When pornstars go to hospital....
....do they get XXX rays ?
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
What do hospital gowns and insurance have in common?
You think you're covered, but, you're not.
My wife told me she saw two EMTs walking over by the hospital. “Two EMTs?” I asked her...
...don’t you mean “pair o’ medics”?
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital with my little kids...
...but they found me in the ICU.
My grandson was taken to the hospital because he swallowed a $5 bill
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
Why was the casket sent to hospital?
I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
What was the mental health hospital's primary charity program?
My daughter recently found a photo of her in the hospital when she was a baby
She noticed a blanket and asked if it was womb temperature. I laughed and thought she’d make a great dad one day while my wife tried to not smile
The hospital I stayed in was robbed!
I guess you could say there were pirates of the Care-I-Be-In.
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
Why do they condition hospital I.V. bottles?
Because everyone loves smooth saline!
She gives birth at the hospital entrance.
Which hospital ward is observed the most?
Had to take my blind roommate to the hospital today.
Last time I leave the plunger in the toilet .
A man was admitted to the hospital for horses in him
Are we playing peekaboo in a hospital?
Where is the worst place to hid in a hospital?
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