A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
Hey girl!! Are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you everyday.
Hey Dad, you wanna come to Yoga class with me?
Dad: Namaste home instead
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
"Hey, look at that flock of cows!"
"Herd."
"What?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there!"
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
My son, apparently an 7yo dad says to me... " Hey dad, what's the alien say to the cat?"
"Take me to your litter"
He's been working on his joke game. V.proud.
Me: Hey, Dad, is that a man standing next to an igloo over there?
Dad: It's just an Aleutian.
Dad, hey can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
Hey Sir, police jokes aren’t funny!
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. “Hey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
Hey dad, can we stop at the casino at the next exit?
Dad: Sure, why?
Son: I need to go to the bathroom and the sign says they have the best craps in the state.
Hey, deer balls just lowered in price.
Now they’re under a buck.
Called my local restaurant for reservation. Hey are you guys open for reservations? They replied four to nine today
Looks like they are too busy today
My 10 year old son said, “Hey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”
“So we can have hamburgers!”
He was serious but it still cracked me up.
"Hey Dad, what's the capital of Australia?"
I got dad joked by my 3 year old daughter at dinner today: "Hey do you have a bun?" I asked her.
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
Hey Reddit, Wanna hear a joke about time travel?
Never mind. Y’all didn’t like it.
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom replies, "Why not?! I'm a fun guy!"
He then goes on to say "The name's Gus, and all my friends call me Fun Gus"
Talking with my brother: “Hey remember when we would see how far we could jump off the staircase?”
“That just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra steps”
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"
She stops and ask "What?"
- "Your speed!"
She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"
- "What?"
- "Your hair!"
Oof.
True story.
Hey, don't go spoil Cyberpunk 2077 please.
I haven't played 1-2076 yet.
Friend - Hey man could you call for some flowers for me from online?
Me - Yeah sure bro I will cauliflowers.
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
My boyfriend told me as I walked in “hey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
Hey did you hear about the new kind of Italian rap music?
Hey... Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage!
"Hey, Ronald McDonald - been watching any good clown movies?"
Hey, did you get a haircut?
“Hey, Watson, is that mud on your shoes?”
Hey everyone I'm making a Kitten Catssiatore, who wants some?
Hey Kids, Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
Because it’s full of fans!!
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Hey, is your refrigerator running?
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
Hey guys I ate a clock
It was pretty time consuming
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
“Hey, how come I can see right through you?”
“My son came out as Transgender today, so that makes me Transparent.”
"Hey!! How long have you been chopping wood for?"
"Not sure, let me check my logs."
"Hey bro, can you pass me the pamphlet?"
"Hey Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
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