From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
Hey bro, can you hand me that pamphlet?
Hey
My friend was addicted to soap…… he’s all clean now
Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?
Dad: No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
Bill Gates: Hey Melinda, can I keep the MS Office as part of the divorce settlement?
Melinda Gates: Bill, ...you have my Word.
'Hey, what are you chewing, Dora?'
Hey Dad, what is that black sticky stuff in the small jars called?
I don't know son, but your ma might.
Stolen from: Dad Jokes
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
After getting back from the beach, my daughter said, “Hey, look! I’m tan from the sun!”
I shook her hand. “It’s very nice to meet you! I’m Dad from Earth.”
Hey, Son! Why don't midgets play soccer?
The grass tickles their balls!
at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...
she immediately responded, "50 cent"
it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!
"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."
"Hey dad, I'm trans"
"I have no son"
"Thanks for supporting me"
I'm sure this has been done but it got a chuckle out of me
Edit wow, I wasn't expecting an award. Thank you kind stranger!
Hey wanna know a billionaires kryptonite?
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
Hey, aren’t you a Pediatrician?
Why do they call it “Delivery” and not “Take-out”?
Dude 1: Hey bro Dude 2: Yeah bro? Dude 1: Can you hand me that pamphlet?
hey, do you smoke pot?
because weed be cute together
Hey dad did you get a haircut?
No son I got them all cut!
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.
Chemist 2 : takes litmus paper and dips it into the glass
Chemist 1 : You don’t trust me?
Chemist 2 : It was just a lye detector test.
Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Hey girl!! Are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you everyday.
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
Hey Dad, you wanna come to Yoga class with me?
Dad: Namaste home instead
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. “Hey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
"Hey, look at that flock of cows!"
"Herd."
"What?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there!"
Dad, hey can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
At a barbeque: Hey, who wants a burger?
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
Hey dad's, what's your ringtone?
Mine's brown, like everybody else's.
Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?
"Hey Dad, Go to Sleep!"
No son, I'm resisting-a-rest.
Hey MC Snow, your wife’s package has been delivered.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
Don't worry, he's awake now.
My son, apparently an 7yo dad says to me... " Hey dad, what's the alien say to the cat?"
"Take me to your litter"
He's been working on his joke game. V.proud.
Dude 1: “Hey bro?” Dude 2: “Yeah bro?” Dude 1: “Can you hand me that pamphlet?”
"Hey!! How long have you been chopping wood for?"
"Not sure, let me check my logs."
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