In 2017 I didn't jog. In 2018 I didn't jog. In 2019 I didn't jog. In 2020 I still haven't jogged.
I haven't heard from my italian friend for a while now
I'm starting to think he pasta away
This is going to be the first year that I haven't taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.
Usually it is due to lack of money
I haven’t pooped in five days.
But I don’t feel shitty about it.
I haven’t seen this model before
My boss at the movie theatre asked me why I haven't sold any M&M's
I told him it's not my fault they're hard-sell candy.
Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four?
Me: I have no idea what he's for.
Just in case you haven't seen this before.
I'm trying for a title based on a song but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
I haven't worked in over a year.
Don't tell my boss I said that.
Haven’t seen many Minecraft puns on here, so here’s one for you guys
Haven't been able to find the channel changer in a few days
It must be in a remote location
Haven’t spoke to my wife for the last three weeks
Didn’t want to interrupt.
Recently I lost my little Corgi. I haven’t been able to find him.
I guess he went incorgnito.
You’ve never experienced life if you haven’t experienced this
An old woman goes to see the doctor. "I'm very gassy, but fortunately my farts are quiet and don't smell. In fact, I've farted three times since you came in, but know you haven't noticed at all."
The doc nods his head, gives her some pills and tells her to come back in a week.
A week later, the old woman comes back and is very upset. "I'm still very gassy, but now my farts are really loud and smell like a porta-potty at a chili festival!"
The doc says "Well now that we've cleared up your hearing and sense of smell, we can do something about your gas!"
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet ?
The looked at the reviews.....only 1 star
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
Most of the things Jesus did are very well known, but I haven't seen people mentioning that he was also a pioneer in sports
I mean, he was doing CrossFit almost 2000 years before it became popular!
I’ve been solving derivatives everyday, for a week and I haven’t been able to do more than 20 a day.
I haven't heard anything from Lara Croft recently.
She's really gone off the raider.
How can we be expected to manage universal healthcare when we obviously haven't even figured out
There are people who haven't yet been to the toilet today
You need to stop holding in last years shit!
Actually a wife joke, but I haven't laughed so hard at a one liner in a while.
Last night my wife and I were talking. We've been married 20 years. She was just laying on me and it can get hard to breathe like that. She noticed I was struggling to breathe and said, "At least I still take your breath away."
Haven't you heard about the corduroy pillows?
They are making all the headlines...
Can't believe I haven't heard this one before
I haven’t been ‘trained’ enough to come up with a good title
Wife: I haven't seen you use the bathroom all week
Me: No shit. I'm constipated.
I haven't slept for days.
I'm okay though. I sleep nights.
I haven't been very composed today, and it just keeps getting worse...
I guess you could say I'm decomposing.
I haven't had much success with jobs lately
I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian. I'm going to look into becoming an optometrist. We'll see.
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,
"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."
You haven't got kidney stones, have you? Because that would mean urine trouble!
I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
I've been pretty down on myself, I haven't been able to go to the gym.
I'm sure everything will work out.
You can’t plant any flowers if you haven’t botany
I haven't had much luck dating recently so I decided to start a new hobby; painting money I get from the bank.
Some guy came up to me and said, "I haven't gone to the bathroom in two years."
I said, "you're full of crap"
It's been 6 months now since I joined the gym and I still haven't lost any weight....
Maybe it's time I went down there to see what's going on
Did you hear about the tortilla shortages going on right now? It's okay if you haven't.
They don't taco 'bout it much.
I haven’t slept for 7 days
Usually I only sleep for about 8 hours
I haven’t had whisky for a while now.
Our relationship is on the rocks.
I haven't slept in days.
It's a good thing I sleep at night.
Haven’t seen this on here yet, so to to keep the Elsa theme going...Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it go.
I haven’t played Fortnite in a fortnight...
I haven't owned a watch in...
I've been a limo driver for 25 years and haven’t had a single customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...
This community is a pun safe haven, but other subs have been oppressed by anti-punners. If you wish to join any pun war sub look in comments
Why haven't the communists taken over yet?
I saw a beautiful drawing of a fig last week and I just realised why I haven't been able to stop thinking about it,
It was a fig meant for my imagination.
Was eating dinner with my wife when she quickly got up for seconds. “I’m starved! I haven’t been eating right”, she said. So I asked:
“Is that why you are eating everything that’s left?”
My daughter yelled at me, “DAAAAAAAD! You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
My girlfriend and I haven't gone to the gym in over a year.
Our relationship isn't working out.
I haven’t slept for three days
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but it’s been 45 minutes and they still haven’t turned up.
The invisible man’s parents haven’t seen their son in two weeks
They couldn’t be more proud!
Why haven't Elon Musk been to Mars yet?
It probably came from here but who knows I thought it was funny I haven't seen it before oh well
Wife: You know, we haven’t had a hug in days...
Husband: Yeah, I prefer Ben & Jerry’s.
I relabelled the jars in our spice rack. I haven't gotten into trouble with my wife just yet...
... but the Thyme is Cumin!
I haven't been to the gym in so long
I've gone back to calling it James
Why haven't aliens landed on Earth yet?
They saw our review. 1 star
I haven’t shaved my mustache in a couple months. My wife hates it
Why haven’t wind powered ships been thought of???
I hope you haven't seen this pun yeti
Yeah, we know of how 7 ate 9. But we still haven’t found the culprit that 8 o’clock.
Why haven't we seen companies like Subaru with their safety features talk about their models next year having 2020 vision?
Since all model years are released a year early, they have a chance to start talking about it now.
If you haven't heard of the latest trends, then Dwaine Johnson must be living above you
You’ve been drinking beer haven’t you? I smell it on your breath.
No, I’ve been eating frogs’ legs...what you smell is the hops.
Haven't been a fan of Jazz...
My girlfriend recently bought some traps to help with our insect infestation but they haven’t been successful.
I had to let her know that we’ll need to find a different ANTS-er.
What do you call a group of Russians who haven’t seen each other in a long time?
I purposely haven't showered for days
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"
What a weird way to start a conversation..
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They checked the reviews................ only one star.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
When they checked the reviews it only had 1 star.
Why haven’t the aliens visited our solar system yet?
Bad reviews... only 1 star.
You know why aliens haven't visited us yet?
They checked our reviews. One star.
My daughter to me. "Daaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you?"
Me: "What a strange way to start a conversation with me."
Why haven’t aliens visited yet?
They checked the reviews of our solar system and only saw one star
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?
Because when they checked the review, it had only one star.
My wife screamed: "You haven't listened to a single word I've said have you?"
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Why haven't Aliens visited our solar system?
They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
“My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?”
What a strange way to start a conversation with me.”
My daughter screeched, “dad, you haven’t listed to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
