Hamper Puns

Neighbor: Hey! You have fun doing laundry?

Me: Loads!

Neighbor(s):AHHAHAHA, nice to see you!

Me: Ugh

So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)

Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"

My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"

...Pls send help

and I noticed that her green underwear (usually reserved for certain times of the month) had been rinsed and thrown into the hamper. Suspecting she had been doing the Aztec two-step in the chocolate rain, I held up up the pair of panties and asked what color she thought her panties were. "I dunno...lime green?" she guessed. To which I responded, "Are you sure they're not shartreuse?"

My friend was having trouble screwing the lid onto a Tide container.

She said, "Close, darn it!"

I said, "No, that's just the soap. The clothes are in the hamper."

Me: Take that sticker off your shirt before you put it in the hamper.

Daughter: I'll put it on a piece of paper to save it for tomorrow.

Me: Throw it away, it won't be sticky tomorrow. By then it will just be an "-er".