I accidentally dropped my steak, now itโ€™s ground meat
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TimHP
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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Ba dum, tsss
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/awells1012
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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What do you call a cow without legs?

Ground meat.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WalkingDane
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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A friend of mine works at a butcher shop. Here are some of the signs he's made for the store. (x-post /r/meat)

Album here: http://imgur.com/a/yc3yJ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sup3rmark
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Interesting breakthroughs in plant-based diets!

Researchers have discovered that when mixed with spices found in popular Hispanic dishes, ground peanuts make a great meat substitute!

It's also been found that an offshoot of the banana family, when fried, makes an awesome faux-fish sandwich!

Craving a frozen treat, but can't handle dairy? Some have found that chilled grapes and prunes can hit that sweet spot in a healthy way!

Keep experimenting with cruelty-free ideas!

TL/DR:

If you like peanut-chiladas, and getting cod from plantains, if you're not into yogurt 'cause you have lactose pains, you could make a lovely delight with some prunes and some grapes. Here's the grub that you've looked for, get that meat off your plate!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chadimus_Prime
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before."

So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.

So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.

The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".

So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.

But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2019
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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Went to the grocery store with my roommate.

I told him I would meet him in the deli because I needed to get food from a different section. We come out of the aisle, right where the packaged meats are (ground beef, sirloins, chicken, etc.) and turn in separate directions. I look at them and notice right away that the overhead lights are on them are not lit. I yell, "Hey, John! John!" and he looks back at me. I point to them and say, "Dark meat". He looks at me confused, looks at them for a second. He then goes "Aaawwwww!" and throws his hat on the ground.

I'm known for my puns, so his reaction was all the better.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FancyShrimp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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Vultures

I work at a zoo on weekends. We were feeding the King Vultures their meat diets today.

The female almost always gets her meat stolen by the male, so we have to keep the male away while she eats the meat off the exhibit floor.

The other keeper wondered aloud why the male would want her food when he has the same thing waiting on his perch. I said "He must prefer ground beef."

Thank you.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rasalom
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
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Every time my dad brings a friend to dinner

Whenever my dad brings me and my brother and sister and our friends out for a meal, he always mentions "these 3 get whatever they want but that guy? He's not mine so, if you have maybe a half eaten plate or some meat you dropped on the ground, just bring it to him" Every time.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vwr32
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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At the grocery store with my dad.

Cute young female cashier scanning our items, scans the ground beef and says "Wow, that's some nice meat you have there."

Dad: Why thank you. Biggest dumb grin on his face

Cashier: No! picks up the ground beef Your package!

Dad: Why thank you. Grin intensifies

The poor girl was so embarrassed. It was glorious.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/llamajuice
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2014
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