Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carr3iroh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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A grizzly bear walks into a restaurant and says β€œCan I get a grilled..............cheese?”

The waiter replies β€œWhy the big pawse?”

...

β€œBecause I’m a bear”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewFound_Fury
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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How is benzene like a grizzly bear?

Both are non-polar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leobru
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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What do you call a grizzly bear caught in a rain shower?

A drizzly bear.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Two hunters went out to hunt grizzly. As they drove up the mountain road, they saw a sign that said "Bear Left"...

...so they went home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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A Grizzly bear ate a fish and then found himself sick and dying on the riverbank...

Another fish swam near the shore and cried, "WHY. WHY DID YOU EAT MY WIFE, SALMON ELLA?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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When grizzlies bake pies they don’t use oven mitts, they use their bear hands.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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What do you call it when a panda bear disguises itself as a grizzly bear?

Panda-ception

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerull1252
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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Why did the hunter cut off the grizzly bear's arms?

Because according to the 2nd amendment.....the hunter has the right to bear arms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyTwinklenugs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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How do you describe a desert with not even one grizzly in it? Bear-en

How do you describe a desert with at least one grizzly in it? Bear - In

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubik3x3x3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
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You know, some people are so scared when they see a bear they go into...

Kodiak Arrest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordAppleJuice07
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.

She is infringing on my right to bear arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_OToole
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A bear goes to the bar and says "can I get one whiskey..................and one coke"

The bartender asked "why the big pause"

The bear replies "I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillRespectively1
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies ?

Twobearculousis

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Except for a grizzly bear. That always kills you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.

He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.

The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.

He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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Bear puns. Help?

Hello all, what are some good bear puns/punny jokes, aside from the unbearable?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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I was called in to investigate the murder of Smokey, the forest fire fighter.

It was a grizzly scene, almost too much to bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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there is a serious lack of possible bear puns, can any of you think of more?

The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.

  1. bear double meaning with tolerate

  2. pandanother thing

  3. grizzly double meaning with horrific

4)kodiak double meaning with camera

5)koalalifications

6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
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"Why are you choking yourself?"

Said the man who killed a grizzly with bear hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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My wife said this one was unbearable

Two naturalists spent the bulk of their lives studying bears in the Soviet Union. One was from Czechoslovakia and the other from Poland. When the USSR fell in December 1991 they were both old men, but they were excited about the prospect of finally getting the chance to study grizzlies in America. That following Spring they made arrangements to travel to Yellowstone to finally see the grizzlies.

When they arrived and informed the park rangers of their plan the rangers were alarmed, telling the scientists, "You can't go now. It's mating season, and the bears are very aggressive." But the former Soviets were insistent. "Please," they said, "We must go. We've waited our whole lives. We may never get another chance." Realizing the men couldn't be dissuaded, the rangers gave them a radio with instructions to report in with their location every day. The scientists set out, and for several days they reported dutifully that all was well.

On the third day, though, they failed to report in. Anxiously, the rangers sent out a search party to the scientists' last known location.

Unfortunately, the rangers discovered a bloody mess when they found the men's camp, and the tracks of two bears, a male and a female, leading off into the woods.

The rangers followed the tracks until suddenly they came upon the female grizzly, her muzzle still crimson with blood. They shot her and conducted an autopsy on the spot, sadly finding the remains of the Polish scientist inside her stomach.

"You know what this means, don't you?" said one ranger to the other. "Yes," the other replied, "The Czech is in the male."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithdok
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
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My dad jokes are so lame...

I wonder, could even a grizzly bear it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Talking to my son about how to fight a Grizzly

"There's no way you could take down a grizzly, they're too big." "Sure there is, I could do it with my bear hands." rolls eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mstell77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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GPS...

Navigation system; 'Bare left after 300 yards'

Dad; Oh my God take cover, there's a massive grizzly bear on the left!'

We were in Central London.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nott96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
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Making up for a typo with a great dad joke.

Dad was talking on a Facebook event post about a cookout/party.

Dad: I'll probably have to get some bear and sodas.

Then another post, though he could have just edited the typo.

Dad: Beer, not bear. That would be pretty grizzly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-kenturd-
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
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Went to see The Revenant tonight with my buddy

Made the comment after the movie that it was 'grizzly'. Followed it up by saying I 'bearly' made it thru the movie. I then apologized for the 'big paws' between my jokes.

There were audible groans by the couple walking out in front of us.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
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Look. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, gay, straight, male or female.

We all taste the same to a grizzly bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astramonk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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Whilst driving through the Rocky Mountains.

My family (Dad, Mom, Borther, and 2x sisters) was driving back to alberta after a trip to B.C, and my dad pulled this one..

Dad: Holy shit a bear!!

Mom: Where?!

Dad: On the side of the road!

Kids: Where?!?

Dad: You don't see it?

Everyone else: No- oh..

we proceed to pass a billboard with a grizzly bear on it while my dad is laughing and doing the classic banging of the hands on the steering wheel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrhairybolo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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Bear Grylls

I was watching Wimbledon on the TV today and saw Bear Grylls with his wife in the audience. The commentator said "There's Bear Grylls with his wife Shara."

Me: "Shara... that's a bit of a weird name"

Mum: "Yeah, I heard that his kids have weird names aswell"

Me: "Really? What are their names?"

Mum: "Cub and Grizzly"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustyelliot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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I need help coming up with β€œbear” puns for a school project

Trying to think these up has been unbearable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronin861
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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A grizzly bear walks into a bar

He sits down at the bar and says β€œBartender i’d like a whiskey........................and coke”

β€œSure thing” says the bartender β€œbut, why the big pause”?

The bear puts his paws in the air and says β€œoh, I’ve had these all my life”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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What do you get if you mix a Grizzly Bear with a Polar Bear?

A Bi-Polar Bear.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teddyburges
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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