What do you call a snake that works for the government?
Do you know what happened to Jack Ma after he criticized the Chinese Government?
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
I heard the government was putting chips inside of people.
Well mine better be sour cream and onion
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...
...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.
Only government...
Can screw you hard for a whole year before they even stimulate you
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.
They are preparing for a wurst käse scenario.
How is a small municipality governed?
By an Itty Bitty City Committee
What's the difference between the government and the mafia?
The mafia can turn a profit!
What do you call a self governing group of hippos?
My son and I are very immature when he is sitting on the toilet.
I asked him:
If you pooped up into the air, would it be skyarrhea?
If you pooped after eating a pastry, would it be piearrhea?
If you pooped in the middle of the grocery store, would it aislearrhea?
If your poop was painful, would it be cryarrhea?
If you couldn't poop, would your friend ask you to just tryarrhea?
If you didn't actually have to poop, but said you did, would it be liearrhea?
If you were a scientist who had to take a poop, would it be Bill Nyearrhea?
If you pooped in an airplane, would it by flyarrhea?
If you pooped while working for a secret government agency, would it be spyarrhea?
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
Gravity Falls has the best puns
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,
I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
After many years of designing, the government has released a new type of currency made out of herbs.
They spent a lot of thyme on it, but now it's mint.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
The U. S. Government legally believes in demons.
After all, possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly
What kind of a government would Authors form if given a chance?
An authoritative write winged government.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
As an Aussie, I feel sorry for my American friends and their government
After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade
Where I grew up, we had back-to-back violent attempts to overthrow the government.
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?
The stakes were too high.
If the government banned cigarettes, I would shout slogans and protest
But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the lung capacity
What type of government does a country full of extroverts have? A socialist government.
What is the only music allowed on US Government computers?
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...
Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?
The czech government month and a half ago...
The government is making a regime change..
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.
I don’t like the government taking all my money. It’s taxing
Why did the bacteria use the employee entrance?
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...
...kids are lining up for blocks.
I knew the government was hiding something
You know what? I think I can.
Why was the Native American crying in the outhouse?
Cause the government stole his TP
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.
Now that's what I call a loco-motive.
Austrian government has banned gatherings of more than 5 people
They have been Austriacized..
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise
No one expects the Spanish ink sedition
Why did Led Zeppelin have record sales in China last year.
Because the government declared a rock down.
Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?
How is a small municipality governed?
By an itty bitty city committee
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