When you see a deaf couple holding hands, maybe it's not a romantic gesture...

Maybe, they just want each other to shut the fcuk up.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Notice the hand gesture [OC]
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sappydayz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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*gestures at horses* Here are the stables. *gestures at other flickering and shaking horses. One horse explodes* And here are the unstables
๐Ÿ‘︎ 434
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Larkenox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Guys, I have been thinking about selling my Theremin.

I haven't touched it in years.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheTaminus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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The guy from dirty jobs is so talented!

In addition to his handiwork he has a really cool hidden talent. Itโ€™s almost like a superpower. With just the simplest gesture he can turn anything scalding hot. We call it the Mike Rowe wave.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DrLionbear
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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RIP Kev

This old bloke I know just passed away. He was well known in the community for his wood turning - bowls, furniture - you name it, he did it. So for the funeral, they decided to bury his prized lathe right there next to him.

It's a nice gesture - but I know he'd be turning in his grave if he knew.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CpnCodpiece
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DweadPiwateWoberts
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Microwave

(noun) A hand gesture used by a midget as a greeting.

Cool, that midget over there just gave me a microwave!

^{Source: ^Bullwade ^Anguish ^Dictionary}

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BinBender
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.

It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
         One says, โ€œWeโ€™re saved! We can ask him for directions!โ€ His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
          โ€œDoesnโ€™t something seem off to you about this man?โ€ he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
          โ€œWhat do you mean?โ€ said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
          โ€œI mean we canโ€™t trust a thing he says. Heโ€™s a pathological lier.โ€
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ForestValkyrie
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hayeshilton
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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A man dressed as a clown held the door open for me today at the store.

It was a nice jester.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Yimter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I fell in love with the tick that bit me when I was on a trip to Rome

It was a Romantic gesture

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nitefury07
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18 2020
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This one comes from my 6 year old but I thought it belonged here. โ€œWhat did the lightning say after it told a good joke?โ€

BOOM! (followed by exploding rock hand gesture)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/emrhiannon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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I belong to a Lord of the Rings Society, and we have a secret sign.

It is a Tolkien gesture.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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For my sonโ€™s birthday, I got him a copy of โ€œThe Lord of the Ringsโ€, but he wasnโ€™t too happy.

He thought it was a Tolkien gesture.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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A friend gave me a knife for my birthday

It was a knife gesture but rather straight to the point

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrtheman_123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
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My 3 year old is ready to be a dad

The other day my son, who is almost three, walks into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. He looked up at the cabinet that has the cookies and such and pointed like he wanted something. I stoop down to pick him up and ask:

Me: "What's up, dude?" Son: (gesturing upwards like a Roman senator) "The ceiling!"

yep, yep it is kid.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/spiegelprime
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Couldn't pass up the opportunity for a pun at work tonight.

I'm a manager at a hotel and I got stuck covering the desk for an employee tonight. A 50ish-year-old couple came in with their teenage son and said, "reservation for Knight..."

"Yeah, here we go...A room with 2 queen beds for one night..." I replied, "well...for three knights, I guess..." and I gestured toward them.

The teenager immediately rolled his eyes, the dad BUSTED out laughing and the mom chuckled and said, "normally, he makes those jokes!"

The husband then says, "Yeah I had one all ready to go!"

I was proud that I beat them to the punch. It was a good day.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dougan25
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
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Dad joked the cashier

Was paying for our cake at a Cafe and the cashier asked "are you paying for everything?" I gestured at everyone else in the Cafe and said "they can pay for their own meals, I'll just pay for ours thanks"

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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The guacamole incident

So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.

After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/roguebuckeye
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Back in pioneer days...

...a wagon train was heading out west. Inside one of the wagons, a man lay on his deathbed with friends and family gathered 'round. He gestured to his best friend, who leaned down to hear what the dying man had to say.

"My friend," he whispered, "I'm not gonna make it, but I wanna be remembered. When you get to where you're going, I want you to name a town after me."

"You betcha," his friend says. "Anything for you, Al."

Then the man gestures to his best friend's son, who likewise leans down to hear the dying man's last words.

"Boy, make sure your old man keeps his promise to name a town after me."

The boy answers, "Yes, Sir, Mr. Buquerque."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/startrektoheck
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Why do you not have brakes?

Today as I was locking my bike to the bike rack, I saw another biker approaching the bike rack at a high speed. Instead of using his brakes to slow down he was using his shoes to slow down. It looked scary at first because it looked like he was going to crash into the rack. When he finally stopped, we had this exchange:

Me: "Do you not have brakes, or something?"

Him: "No, and I haven't used brakes in months now"

Me: "Why? Did they ... break?" followed by this gesture (โ˜ž๏พŸใƒฎ๏พŸ)โ˜ž

He didn't even look at me and just walked away.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FrameWork0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
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Was helping Dad with his grocery shopping, and he said he needed sausage for a dishโ€ฆ

โ€ฆwhen we hit the meat and dairy section he threw both arms out wide, gesturing to the tubed meat, and asked me, "you ever sausage a place?!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NotActuallyStudying
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2014
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My Dad at the hospital.

For a little bit of background information, my dad suffers from multiple system atrophy and got a high fever, which turned out to be from a bad urinal tract infection. He has been at the hospital for almost 2 weeks now, and it is really hard on our family, but he is doing his best to get better and throws this small dad joke to lighten me and my brothers day.

A Speech Therapist comes every day to help him focus on his muscles in his face to help him swallow and speak clearer with simple gestures of noises and deep breathing. As she was done with his exercises, she said to him "Can you say goodbye, have a nice day! in a long sentence?" (As in one breath with no pauses). My dad then takes a look at me and my brother and says in his slurred voice "goodbye... have a nice day... in a long sentence".

The Speech Therapist just smiled and shook her head while we facepalmed...

Thumbs up Dad, I know you will come home soon!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Neil_to_me
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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Politics

I'm in the back seat of my dad's car, as we're driving down a rather busy street of a populated city. My dad taps me on the shoulder and gestures out the window with an air of disgust.

Dad: "I can't believe all the political advertising they have out here."

I look around for quite some time, expecting to spot a house covered with election signs or political party banners. All that I see are a series of pylons with road signs intermittently placed in between them.

The signs say: "Keep left."

My dad snickers with pride and drives off.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ModernAztec
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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A gift for you, darling.

While perusing a large collection of jewelry at the store -

Clerk - "Can I help you?"

Dad - "I wan't to get my wife of 12 years something nice." Gestures towards the wide banded necklaces in the case

Clerk - "Do you want a choker?"

Dad - Pauses, smiles and says "Only when she's acting up."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AlexJWhite86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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My dad in the car

While in the car, I played some music a friend of mine has produced. I made a gesture towards the speakers and said: "That's name of my friend."

Without batting an eye, he replied: "No, that's a Toyota.", and chuckled.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shellset
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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A favor for my professor

In class today, my professor asked for someone to "flip off the lights" so we could start the movies. I was on the other side of the room from the light-switch but I did what I could...

I flashed a particular hand gesture toward the lights.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/italian6th
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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My Dad says this joke every time we're at the dinner table

Someone: Ooh I think I've eaten something that disagrees with me..

Dad:Gestures with his hand in front of their stomach, symbolizing their stomach talking "No you haven't!!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/anunnymous
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
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Got my buddy over pool

Even though we've been out of college for years, my fraternity pledge son and I still get together every week to play some pool. This week, we were discussing werewolves and where they fit in the mythical creature hierarchy.

"Werewolves are obviously the best," he says.

"That makes sense you'd like them," I reply. "You're like halfway one already."

"Oh, is it because of this?" he asks, gesturing toward his hair, his beard, his hairy chest.

"No, cause you're a human when the moon's not full."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xuol
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2015
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Watching The Sing Off

The group of Filipino boys had suits on with super skinny neckties

Me: Those are little ties

Husband: They aren't Thai, they're Filipino (does the point-point-point hand gesture)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/a-ohhh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Dadjoked at the ballpark

I work in Marketing for an east coast MLB team. The other day, we held a "Country Western Night" and had various attractions in and around the stadium that went with the theme. One of these was a 'NASCAR simulator'- which was essentially just a racing game you'd find at any arcade. At the 8th inning, just before closing time, a man walked by with his wife, both sipping beer and watching kids play the game. We were closing after those last two kids, so I asked him if he wanted to play, or if he was just watching. He responded with, "Oh, I'm just watching", gestured with his beer and said, "I don't want to drink and drive anyway".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lolarsystem
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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