My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.

Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2021
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My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2021
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/icemage27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2021
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The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2021
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A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.

He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2021
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Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery

I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 674
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/troutslayer12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?

I said "Go on then!!"

Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2021
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My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.

He smelled funny the whole day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 333
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zakk5450
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2021
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A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

πŸ‘οΈŽ 177
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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My friend broke his leg, so I wrote, "You're stupid " on his cast.

I was adding insult to injury

πŸ‘οΈŽ 75
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
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For some reason most of my friends didn't like it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nvoisin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards

I asked Y not?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 217
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeeOnLavaForObsidian
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2021
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My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...

I've just sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 152
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2021
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Jesus has Ryzen, my orthodox friends!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hetfield37
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2021
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My friends daily morning torture, as delivered by yours truly
πŸ‘οΈŽ 59
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Erasmusings
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
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mind if I ask something? It's for a friend

Can we be friends?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mesomusa
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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I’ve started saying mucho to my Spanish speaking friends.

It means a lot to them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 422
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2021
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I like to torture my friend's with excellent puns. These are the responses I *live* for. reddit.com/gallery/ms1o2z
πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Erasmusings
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter

Then again, I get where he’s coming from.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Musikcookie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
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How do short people greet their friends?

They microwave

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2021
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Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 154
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arthur_nemosnax
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten. reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2021
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Our friend Carlos got his car stolen last month.

We call him Los now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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I call my wife Doe and she calls me Buck. My friend thought this was weird, so I had to explain...

They're terms of endeerment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 74
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DavidkDavid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2021
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A couple of coffee beans were having a comedy show, just between friends...

It was a light roast!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cameForTheGum
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best

I won.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 128
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/spwf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2021
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My best friend is a tightrope walker

The only problem with him is that he's so high strung.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
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My friend asked if I knew of any Middle Eastern countries…

I was like. Oman, I don’t know. Then I I was like, Yemen, I might be able to name a few.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2021
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My friend David had his ID stolen.

Now he's just Dav.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 97
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2021
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My friend built a fish pond and asked me to contribute....

I thinks he's trying to be Coy with me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Evening_Flatworm5850
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2021
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A friend of mine asked why I started a spice garden.

I just figured it was thyme.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kork-the-great
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on the knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 184
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2021
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A friend told me the local furniture store had some nice stools.

Upon closer inspection of their samples, I decided they were pieces of crap.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rare_Beat
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2021
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Made this today (My British friends approved)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FindingOk1880
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2021
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My friend was telling me about the three bones of the arm

It was pretty humerus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
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My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 660
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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My friend writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 174
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GreatGreenGobbo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
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Friends dad told me this one

Theres this Jewish man who has a son who leaves home and decides to convert to Christianity. He confides in his friend who goes β€œdude you’re not gonna believe this, my son did the same thing he left home, came back and was all of a sudden Christian.” They decided this problem was getting out of hand so they go see their Rabbi and ask him what to do. The Rabbi goes β€œyou’re not gonna believe this my son also left home and converted to Christianity. This is getting out of hand we have to talk to God”. So they go to God and tell him their stories about how Christianity is running rampant through their community and ask for his guidance. God says β€œGuys you’re not gonna believe this.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 154
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zzolpidem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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I was mixing concrete with a friend one day

I said to him that we should put something in the mix that meant a lot to us.

He asked why so I said "it'll be cement-amental"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hazzman0424
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
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My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

It’s like I’d never met herbivore

πŸ‘οΈŽ 451
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_morgarita_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2021
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My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
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A friend of mine thinks he's an expert on tree types.

He refers to himself as a conifer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
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I became friends with a mushroom today...

He's a real fungi.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FLASHsixx
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My draught told me she has a new friend at school named Tia.

I replied, "Does she cry a lot?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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My friend just threw a lump of cheese at me.

It wasn’t very mature.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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I got some butter today from my friend's cow, but it tasted just like my own!

I called it my butter from another udder.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/False_Grit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2021
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My friend doesn't want anyone else to know that he used to play board games a lot.

He's had a checkered past.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2021
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I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/korabdrg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards.

I said, "Y not?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 187
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mightymidwestshred
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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My friend tony asked me not to say his name backwards

I said y not?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 286
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report

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