Freezes Over Puns

Will be the day hell freezes over

After the commencement ceremony was over, we walk out and I say,

Me: "Man, it was getting toasty in there!"

SO's Dad: "What? That stadium was freezing! "

Me: "I thought it was hot! There must have been 500 degrees in there!"

I got headshakes from her sister and her mom, and a "Hey! I'm totally using that!" from her dad. I think I'm in!

My classroom has air conditioning, but it only kicks in on warm days like today. When my fifth graders came in this morning, a couple immediately started complaining. "It's freezing in here!"

I had been waiting for this opportunity all year! I pointed to the corner of the room. "Well, if you're cold, you can go stand over there. The corner is 90º!"

The best part was the chorus of incredulous students shouting "really?!" who then went over to investigate. It wasn't until they pointed out that the temperature was same over there that they realized they had been duped.

Puns are my thing at Disney, and when the ride would stop working, I would say over the PA system "I'm sorry everybody, but our ride is Frozen at the moment. I know it's a bit of a fixer upper, but Elsa's giving us the cold shoulder right now, she's really freezing us out. (Or Olaf lost his cool and is having a melt down) Once we can have true love thaw out a Frozen ride, well be back up and running!

Rude-elf.

When he found out Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame.

Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

We're on a road trip and my mom, a biologist, says that the moon tonight is a "Full Beaver" which used to mean that it was the last night to set beaver traps before the swamp freezes over.

My dad replies: "Wow, the last time I saw a full beaver was when that girl at the concert had a wardrobe malfunction."

I walked over to him and said "freeze, this is a stick up!"

Earlier my pals and I wanted to have a heart attack for lunch so we go out and pick up some sonic

My buddy orders a blue raspberry freez-e and the server ask:

"Do you want nerds on that sweetie"

without hesitation "Will we have to raise them and feed them daily? "

moans and groans And all we hear over the speaker is" I'm so done with this fucking job"

"I'm sorry did I give you guys chills?

I'm still laughing about this, edit is for formatting I'm on mobile

Me: Huh, that farm has camels.

Dad: Yeah that's fascinating, you'd think all the water in their humps would freeze over in this weather.

Then after my dad laughed at his own joke for a minute...

Me: Do camels even produce any kind of products you can sell?

Dad: Yeah, cigarettes!