Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!
You're fired!
Credit my 9 year old son, flexing being a dad early.
Weird flex, but OK.
They flex their mussels.
He's called Flex Seal.
Because he's a Humbledore.
The other day my wife went out to the store and bought something. When I got home she immediately started bragging about it to impress me.
Wife: Honey come to the kitchen
Me: ok, what for
Wife: I got something pretty cool (Goes into the kitchen) Me:So what am I looking at
Wife: I got a glass container collection, and its brand name too Plexiglass, isn’t it awesome?
Me: so you wanted to show that off to me?
Me: Weird plex but okay
Hebrews it. Ha!
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
That was a pain in the butt.
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.
::Lifts up arms and flexes muscles::
Because these puppies are sick.
Oof.
I told him: “No thanks I already Reddit”
They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.
A T-flex
I was 14 or something I just got off of school so I'm sitting on the couch as per usual and my dad walks in looking stressed the fuck out. "Hey, I think I gotta go to the vet..." I start slightly panicking but I'm curious so I ask, "why?" He proceeds to give me direct eye contact, flex his muscles and say, "CAUSE THESE PUPPIES ARE SICK!!!" then walks out of the room, proud as can fucking be.
A Tyrannosaurus-Flex.
He was a tyrannosaurus flex
He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.
I said “weird flex but OK”
He calls it Flex Seal Navidad
Because these pythons are sick!!
*Flexes arms
Bi-flex-ual
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
He flexes his mussels.
We don't have any kids yet, though my husband - I believe, is prepared. It was after dinner he had this seafood concoction that contained rice, chicken, shrimp, and mussels. Anyway, he was super full afterwards and pushing hid belly out. The conversation went as follows:
Me: Full huh?
Hubby: yeah, (points to stomach) the shrimp is here, chicken here and rice here.
Me: What about the oysters (I don't eat seafood, please don't hate me)
Hubby: You mean mussels? (Proceeds to flex) All over!
Edit: hopefully spacing-posting on my phone.
There is a CVS about a 5 minute walk from my house that I like to get my convenience shopping done at with these auto-checkout kiosks that always lock up. I scanned my drinks and like clockwork the machine started beeping that somebody would be available to assist me shortly; the machine had locked up. A young girl scans her ID to bring it back to functionality and asks if I needed any further assistance.
I pointed to my reflection in the window and said "No thanks, I'm going to finish checking myself out and be on my way" and flexed a bit
It took her a second, but once the guy in the photo department started cracking up she got it. I laughed all the way home.
