The lady who does my dermal fillers just died

I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip, but this news makes it difficult, you know...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rogue-_-robot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If I criticize you on your bad lip fillers...

"Don't give me any lip"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beyond-Dreams86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve bought my girlfriend a wooden leg for Christmas.

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg

It's just a stocking filler

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently hired a guy to fill some stuff in for me

Filler filler filler filler filler filler

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do taxidermists use when they have a parrot to work with?

Polly-filler.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
For sale. Ladies prosthetic leg.

Perfect stocking filler.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crooky50-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my girlfriend for a prosthetic leg for Christmas this year

Not as a main gift though, just as a stocking filler.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cn19
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.

One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for another few minutes, but it got cold and I was chilled and soaked to the bone, so I decided to try to head back to camp.

Lightning was starting to crackle above me, so I thought I should try to take a shortcut to make my hike back quicker. I pulled out my compass and found my direction, but the rain made it impossible to see more than five feet in front of me.

I was looking down at my compass, not paying any attention to where I was going, and suddenly felt weightless. The feeling didn't last long as I thumped down on slippery earth a second later.

I had fallen onto a ledge on the side of a rather steep cliff, the bottom of which was at least fifty feet down.

I sat there, contemplating on how to get back up this cliff as water rolled over the edge ten feet above me. There was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up. I was stuck there.

After a few minutes, I noticed the little ledge I was standing on was slowly getting smaller. The water was coming down so hard it was eroding the tiny bit of safety I had.

I dug through my pockets, thinking maybe I had something, anything, to help me out of my precarious situation. All I had was my compass, a cough drop, and a match. I was screwed.

So, I sat there, watching the edge of the ledge I was on get closer and closer to my feet, when suddenly I felt something pushing on my back.

I turned slightly and saw a wooden box sticking out of the cliff behind me. It was working its way out of the side, the rain surely helping it along. I tried to move away from it, but the ledge wasn't very wide and the box kept coming out, pushing me farther to the weak and failing edge.

As more of the box came out, to my horror, I realized it was a coffin! I had no idea how old it was, but it looked rather rotten. All I could think of was being pushed off this ledge, and the rotten coffin breaking and dropping a skeleton onto my broken and battered body at the bottom.

The coffin crept closer, my foot began to slip. I grabbed onto a root that was sticking out of the cliffside and dug in my pocket once more.

I hurriedly tore the wrapper off the cough drop and stuck it in my mouth. It stopped the coffin.

This joke has been told to me

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TipCleMurican
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
🚨︎ report
A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas

A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontdothisman66
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report
BEE PUNS

Hey guys, I am working on a video project for AP Calc and am doing the bee move, but everytime they say bee a formula is introduced, then the next time an example. We are writing the formulas on yellow paper and writing in black sharpies because black amd yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, ahh yellow and black. Anyqay, I need space fillers on the sheets of paper, so bee puns! I need a bunch, so do your thing!

We are also dressing up in bee costumes to take pictures of the formulas amd photoshopping our teachers face onto Barry Bee Benson

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmm8398
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I got my gran a wooden leg for Christmas...

It wasn't her main present though, just a stocking filler.

My dad brings it out every sunday. I haven't had a gran for 10 years...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/111111222222
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
🚨︎ report
I bought my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas this year.

It was just a stocking filler

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas...

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SharKThEGoD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chooboto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christ mas.

It wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/profpimm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.