Why is Sonic the Hedgehog a good, god-fearing Muslim?
Every ramadan, he's like "gotta go fast!"
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︎ May 31 2019
An older man took his wife to the hospital, fearing a heart attack
The man waits for a while and the doctor comes out to tell his findings. The doctor says, "Your wife did not have a heart attack. She just has acute angina."
Adjusting his hearing aid, the husband says, "Listen here young man, don't go talking about my wife's privates like that! I know she's cute down there!"
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︎ Apr 29 2018
I have a fear of speed bumps
Iβm slowly getting over it
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︎ Apr 20 2021
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Apr 07 2021
What do flat-Earthers fear?
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︎ Mar 25 2021
I have this pathological fear of two letter words.
I get terrified just thinking about it.
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︎ Jan 30 2021
One of Santaβs biggest fears is getting stuck in the chimney while delivering presents
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︎ Mar 29 2021
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia
Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I fear for the Calendar.
Itβs days are numbered...
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia. What is fear of nothing at all?
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︎ Feb 28 2021
I've decided to seek help for my irrational fear of speed humps...
I'm slowly getting over it.
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︎ Mar 16 2021
I have a horrific fear of elevators
Iβve started taking steps to avoid them
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︎ Dec 21 2020
What did the 0 say to the 8?
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Why is six afraid of seven?
7 was a well known 6 offender
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I went to the doctors because I have a fear of palindromes...
The ba***rd prescribed me Xanax.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Why are French bakers so feared in battle?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
My wife said she has an irrational fear of revolving doors.
I told her sheβll come around, eventually.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
What do you call a fear of giants?
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︎ Jan 29 2021
I went to see a psychiatrist to get over my crippling fear of palindromes.
The bastard put me on Xanax!
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︎ Nov 29 2020
My biggest fear about becoming a Zombie....
....is all that walking you have to do.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Simple solution to my fear of the dark
I just close my eyes and pretend it's not there
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︎ Jan 16 2021
the stonefish has no natural predator to fear from....
...except the paperfish, which is supposed to be even more superior.
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︎ Nov 23 2020
The therapist said I can get over my fear of buffets....
But first, I've got to want to help myself .
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︎ Dec 18 2020
[At the therapist] Me: Doc, I have a crippling fear of big, empty spaces.
Therapist: A void?
Me: Thatβs good advice. Thanks.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Iβve recently discovered Iβm terrified of elevators, so Iβm taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but Iβm slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! π€©
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︎ Nov 12 2020
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
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︎ May 26 2020
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Flat Earthers have only one thing to fear
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Irrational fear
I'm terrified of elevators and I'm taking steps to avoid them
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What do you call a fear of Germans in tight spaces?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I used to fear giants.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I have an irrational fear of being in a small room, packed with Germans.
I told my doctor and he said I have Klaustrophobia.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Finally decided to talk to my therapist about my fear of Mexican food.
Took me a long time to finally be able to taco bout it. π€¦π»ββοΈ
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︎ Oct 08 2020
If you are sad, that you didn't get to use 2020 properly, fear not
Because in two years we will have 2022
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︎ Sep 13 2020
I have an irrational fear of overly engineered buildings
I have a complex complex complex
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︎ Jul 14 2020
What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date?
A sunken chest with no booty.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
I'm developing a fear of German sausages
π︎ 39
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︎ Jul 15 2020
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear...
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I have a fear of speed bumps
But I'm slowly getting over it.
π︎ 40
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︎ Mar 08 2021
What is the fear of giants?
π︎ 88
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︎ Jan 15 2021
I fear for the calendar ...
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︎ Jan 30 2021
I have a fear of elevators
But Iβve started taking steps to avoid it.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I have a fear of elevators,
So I've taken steps to avoid them.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I have a fear of speed bumps.
Iβm slowly getting over it.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants....
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︎ Nov 20 2020
The only thing that flat earthers fear....
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︎ Sep 04 2020
The only thing flat earthers fear
π︎ 40
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
I have a fear of speed bumps,
But I'm slowly getting over it.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself.
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︎ Oct 01 2019
I have a fear of speed bumps....
but Iβm slowly getting over it.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I have a fear of speed bumps
But Iβm slowly getting over it
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︎ Sep 24 2020
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