Fast food restaurant Puns

He leads the league in Arby eyes.

A Hamburglar

“It’s not heavy at all!”

To which I reply "That's okay, I will lose it eventually"

One was the fish friar, the other was the chip monk!

At a fast food restaurant, my dad's credit card gets rejected. Not missing a beat, he pulls out another one and says "Here, try this one, I just printed it up in my basement this morning."

Cashier: Could you take your top off?

My dad looking incredulous and holding himself somewhat defensively: I beg your pardon!

A Dad At Nearby Table: What is the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb?

(Silence)

Dad: A PhD!

/Good enough for popsicle sticks

For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said “It’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”

Dad replied, “Oh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”

I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐

I had an idea to start an Indian fast food restaurant. I’d call it “Hurry with the Curry”.

Unfortunately, my wife said it was a naan-starter.

Dad: what's a Pirates favorite crime?

Me: uh ... ?

Dad: ARRRRson! What's a Pirates favorite type of socks?

Me: I don't know dad.

Dad: ARRRRgyle! What's a Pirates favorite branch of the military?

Me: rolling eyes it's the ARRRRmy.

Dad: acting confused No, it's the Navy. Why on earth would they like the army better?

Hopefully not a repost but I very clearly remember getting caught by this one and stuttering with no response.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:

CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!

Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.

CW: Well, all of—

It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that “oh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.

Last week my wife fractured her tibia while we were on vacation. She is now in a boot up to her knee and confined to a wheelchair for a couple weeks as she can't put any weight on it.

Yesterday, we were having lunch at a fast food restaurant and she asked me to get her some ketchup. I looked right at her and said, "Why? Is your leg broken?"

I work as a manager at a fast food restaurant. Come closing time last night, one of my employees walks up to me and says "Hey, I'm going to fix some food before I leave, is that ok?"

"Fix some food? Who broke it?"

"What?"

"Well, if you're fixing it, somebody had to break it, right?"

She just groaned, rolled her eyes, and walked away.

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.