Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?

He leads the league in Arby eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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What do you call a german thief that's robbing a fast food restaurant?

A Hamburglar

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DUBSWAG02
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Fast food restaurant takes a few minutes,...bag gets handed over with, β€œSorry about the wait.”

β€œIt’s not heavy at all!”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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The teenager at [insert fast food restaurant here] hands me my food and says "Sorry for the wait"

To which I reply "That's okay, I will lose it eventually"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anarcist69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a fast-food seafood restaurant?

One was the fish friar, the other was the chip monk!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/optomus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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At a fast food restaurant

At a fast food restaurant, my dad's credit card gets rejected. Not missing a beat, he pulls out another one and says "Here, try this one, I just printed it up in my basement this morning."

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndChoiceName
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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Getting a refill at a fast food restaurant...

Cashier: Could you take your top off?

My dad looking incredulous and holding himself somewhat defensively: I beg your pardon!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrpunaway
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2013
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Overheard this one at a fast food restaurant

A Dad At Nearby Table: What is the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb?

(Silence)

Dad: A PhD!

/Good enough for popsicle sticks

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dditto74
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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What sort of jewelry does Ronald McDonald wear?

A fast food restaurant chain of course!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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Curry

I had an idea to start an Indian fast food restaurant. I’d call it β€œHurry with the Curry”.

Unfortunately, my wife said it was a naan-starter.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/black_-_coffee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What's a Pirates Favorite ....

Dad: what's a Pirates favorite crime?

Me: uh ... ?

Dad: ARRRRson! What's a Pirates favorite type of socks?

Me: I don't know dad.

Dad: ARRRRgyle! What's a Pirates favorite branch of the military?

Me: rolling eyes it's the ARRRRmy.

Dad: acting confused No, it's the Navy. Why on earth would they like the army better?

Hopefully not a repost but I very clearly remember getting caught by this one and stuttering with no response.

πŸ‘︎ 584
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrossCheckPanda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2014
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Fast Food at Work

I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:

CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!

Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.

CW: Well, all ofβ€”

It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that β€œoh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatisus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Dadjoked my wife at lunch yesterday

Last week my wife fractured her tibia while we were on vacation. She is now in a boot up to her knee and confined to a wheelchair for a couple weeks as she can't put any weight on it.

Yesterday, we were having lunch at a fast food restaurant and she asked me to get her some ketchup. I looked right at her and said, "Why? Is your leg broken?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmortalityLTD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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I'm not proud of myself...

I work as a manager at a fast food restaurant. Come closing time last night, one of my employees walks up to me and says "Hey, I'm going to fix some food before I leave, is that ok?"

"Fix some food? Who broke it?"

"What?"

"Well, if you're fixing it, somebody had to break it, right?"

She just groaned, rolled her eyes, and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hobospartan
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2014
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What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domidoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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