Last night I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a tea bag.
On the way home I got mugged.
"Trousers" is a fancy words for pants
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
Son: What’s in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?
Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.
Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein
Me: That son of a bitch!
I don’t get why people like fancy-cut cheese so much.
It’s not bad or anything, I just think it’s overgrated.
For my wife's birthday I bought her the fancy new fridge that she wanted.
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
Just watched a video about fancy drills
A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant and his a dress code problem.
The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:
Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.
The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.
Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.
The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.
Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.
The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.
Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.
Just don't try to start something....
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Yesterday someone told me that whatever job I do at my bank isn't a fancy one, so I decided to do something about it.
I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.
Imma wall street banker now
I bought a fancy new toaster...
Despite all the new features, I was pretty shocked to find out it wasn’t waterproof.
I've been invited to a Halloween fancy dress party in town.
To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.
A Brit, a Laotian, a Colombian, an American, an Indian, and a Egyptian wall into a fancy restaurant...
The doorman turns them back, saying “I’m sorry. We can’t let you in without a Thai.”
A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.
The waiter responds “It’s tap quality”
What happens when you crash your fancy new car?
I don't really fancy doing yoga outside during lockdown
I got my family this new type of fancy European yogurt.
I hope it makes us more cultured.
I caught my son eating some of my fancy cheese.
I said, "Leave my provolone alone."
Anyone fancy some roasted nuts?
My Friend is going to a fancy dress party and said he's going to dress up as a small island off the coast of italy...
what if I told you that cowboy clothes is just a fancy way of sayin ranch dressing?
My friend came to a fancy dress party wearing a suit and shoes made of bread.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
Why did the melons have a big, fancy wedding?
I went to a railway fancy dress party
Everyone was wearing platforms
If you are craving fancy French bread, but live in a sketchy neighbourhood.
what do people win at fancy grammar competitions
I was invited to a fancy dress party with the theme of characters who find a magic lamp
I wasn't told the dress code so I wasn't Aladdin
Why did the ghost invest in a fancy microphone?
because he preferred to be heard in scary-o.
What do you say to the waiter who takes forever to bring your fancy pastry?
My friend loves fancy cheese so much it's almost religious.
You might say she has a personal relationship with cheeses.
Southwest Airlines' snacks aren't fancy, you might say they're...
A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.
I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.
What does a fancy pirate eat?
I went to a fancy dress party as Sodium Chloride and this guy throws Sulphuric Acid on me.
It was terrible. I didn't know how to react.
Game of Thrones, a fancy way to call musical chairs
I got the roast duck at a fancy tapas place downtown...
Boy, the duck might have been small but its bill sure was big.
One for the orchestral dads: What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
A naked man arrives at a fancy dress party with a girl on his back.
“I’m a turtle” he says
Oh...well who’s that on your back then?
He replies, “That’s Michelle...”
My wife said she wants to buy a fancy pillowcase at the flea market
I told her careful it might be a sham
Where do fancy apples go to for a party?
At a restaurant last night I tried to order a fancy coffee for dessert
My dad to a waitress at fancy steak house
Waitress: Do you wanna box for that?
Dad: No, I'd rather wrestle!
Well mister Fancy-Pants-Doctor man answer me this
if smoking so dangerous how come it cures bacon?
What do you call a monkey who loves fancy desserts?
The barman looked over at me and said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?"
"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.
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