Explicit memory Puns

I don't have real memories, but I was very sexual as a child, masturbated since kindergarden, had violent rape fantasies since ever, have social anxiety and depression since 16 years old.

Since starting therapy, I noticed, that I'm not able to really open up, so I started journaling and drawing. But as soon as I start to draw, the pictures get very sexual and I can't seem to stop drawing myself as a little child, naked with her legs spread open, with a dark figure before me. These were also my sexual fantasies since childhood. But I don't remember anything like that happening to me. It bothers me so much and I can't stop thinking about that stupid stuff, I feel gross and disgusting. I am too embarrassed to tell my therapist about that, I just can't...

Do you thin I have repressed memories? What else could be wrong with me?

Now, I know that theories on the Exo have been dime a dozen since the Beyond Light reveal, however, I believe that we can determine a lot about the purpose of the Exos' creation and why it had to be on Europa, with evidence as old as Destiny 1's Creation Screen.

The Original Lore for Exo's Back in Destiny 1's character creation screen claimed that Exo's were

> "Built during humanity's Golden Age for a long forgotten struggle"

This makes sense in that they were also originally described as "Tireless War Machines" back in 2013 when they were initially revealed as a playable race in the world of Destiny.

Here's the problem: The Golden Age is characterized as such - in part - by the fact that there were no wars during that time period for humanity. This begs the immediate question of 'What war were the Exos built for then?"

We know for a fact that Clovis was fighting 'a secret war with the vex' to some degree, as confirmed by Kuang Xuan's Lore book given in the Collector's Edition:

>Do we have an ethical duty to break that agreement? If we have discovered a clue to the Traveler’s origins, certainly yes! Clovis Bray has buried its war against the Vex under a sarcophagus of secrecy an “existentially compromising information hazard”

What interesting about Kuang Xuan's Logbook is that it confirms a few other things for us, namely:

1. Warmongering in a time of Peace

Clovis was at the very least aware of the potential threat that was the Vex, if not actively engaged in direct conflict with them.

Clovis, at some point during the Golden Age, began to shift massive amounts of resources into militarized research and technologies: they developed the Warmind networks from simple surveillance satellites into what eventually became Rasputin; they created a series of weapons bunkers and the so-called 'Seraph Tech' so safe guard humanity from.....something....and they created the Exo's...for a 'long forgotten conflict'.....Seems strange to devote so much time and resources across a species during a time of peace and prosperity don't you think?

2. Which came first: The Pyramid or DSC?

Clovis also had vested interest in the Vex on Venus, The Artifact discovered on the Moon, and sent loads of resources to the edge of the System after confiscating the Artifact from Kuang Xuan's Team because the moon artifact was broadcasting a message to

On that note, what is the difference between "nondeclarative memory" and "implicit memory"?

The APA dictionary states that "declarative/nondeclarative" memory was proposed by Larry Squire in 1980, and "explicit/implicit" memory was proposed by Peter Graf and Daniel Schacter in 1985. They are often used interchangeably. The only difference noted under the "explicit memory" entry is that it is more "performance-based".

I am very confused with this. What is the point of suggesting the new terminology which was essentially the same as the definitions by Squire?

TW: mentions of different kinds of abuse, some potential explicit mentions of physical abuse

I’ve seen people discuss mentions of repressed memories of sexual abuse on this sub and people discuss the possibility of being sexually abused because they fit the symptoms, but never the same for physical/emotional abuse.

I’ve always flinched when people raise their hands near me or yell or speak too loudly. My therapists in the past have suspected abuse but I don’t have any explicit memories of it. I was emotionally neglected as a child, leading to a lot of my CPTSD symptoms, but a lot of my symptoms fit those from physical abuse.

Has anyone recovered memories of physical or emotional abuse? Or suspected it with no memories?

Also, would nootropics that improve explicit memory improve explicit memory like bacopa?

implicit is hidden so we use it without noticing it(walking to school or tying your shoes/procedural), explicit is exposed(declared) meaning we need effort and consciously think about it to retain it(episodic: remembering your feeling and experience watching the last episode of ur fav series(experience/events) or semantic like brute facts). Hope this helps

Hi there,I was wondering what is the fastest way to do some logical operation on the bytes of two memory blocks without explicitly using SSE intrinsics. I did some tests and decided to share them here, maybe somebody will be interested and/or somebody will come with a faster way. I hope I didn't mess up something in the tests below.

1. First the obligatory godbolt link. Few notes here:- GCC with O3 unrolls the simple loop and uses vectorized instructions for it. This doesn't happen with O2 as expected.- the unaligned cast and the function using it are non standard behavior of GCC. I think this whole functionality is UB according to the C++ standard but decided to use/check it just in case. It's used in some places in the Linux kernel, so I don't think that GCC will ever do something inappropriate here but I could be wrong.- the loop with the unaligned_cast and the one with the memcpy_cast generate the same assembly. However if we enable the AVX instructions with `-mavx`, to silence the gcc warnings about the test using uint256_type, the assembly for the function with the unaligned_cast changes but the other one remains the same. I don't know why. Is this missing optimization opportunity or something else.- When the AVX instructions are not enabled the compiler seems to generate suboptimal assembly for the last test which works with uint256_type. I think this is expected.
2. The tests results from the quick bench. Few observations about them:- The simple loop is on par with the other solutions even with its longer assembly. So the compiler seems to do great here.- The results from the memcpy_load/store are surprising to me having in mind that it's assembly was the same as the one with the unaligned_load/store. Maybe by some reason the assembly here is different (The tests give timeout error if I check 'Record assembly').- The results for the test with uint256_type are bad as expected from the assembly.
3. Tests results from another machine. Did these tests mostly because I wanted to see the performance with AVX enabled. Here I used the nanobench library for the benchmarks. I did two tests. One without and one with `-mavx` option. The other options were the same `-std=c++20 -Wall -Wextra -O3`.
   3.1. Without AVX. The results are more or less the same as the one from quick-bench except for the test with uint128_type which is 30% faster. I'm not sure why. T

why is this the case?

I do a lot of real-time audio programming, and have taken an interest in region-based memory management, since it has O(1) allocation and deallocation. Of course you can do it in C++ by making a region allocator and using it with the standard containers, but it still isn't safe.

So, I was thinking about a language with a region block:

region {
    // everything in here is linearly allocated in a region
}
// released at the end

Objects which escape the region are copied into the enclosing region. If the escaping objects are restricted to constant-sized data then the regions can be allocated on a stack (this would be ideal for the realtime case, I think). Perhaps the language could be constrained in such a way as to simplify the escape analysis. Additional regions could be synthesized to correspond to function scopes, provided a function meets some criteria (such as returning a fixed-size object).

For longer-lived objects, I would be happy with reference-counting, as it has served me well in other contexts.

AFAICT from the literature, region-based schemes associate regions with objects by name (Cyclone), and may use (complex) static analysis determine region assignment (ML Kit). (I keep seeing that Rust uses regions, but then I don't really see how it does in the typical sense). The research seems to focus on adapting regions to existing languages (C, ML) rather than designing a language with regions in mind.

Is this at all a good idea? thanks!

Hello all! I've been reading this subreddit for a couple of weeks and finally logged in to share something I've been thinking about a lot recently. I am a second-year Psychology undergrad student who has been studying psychology all their adult life due to personal interest. I am also an Aphant, which I just learned recently (probably within the last month? I have poor ability judging the passage of time due to other neurodivergences).

In Cognitive Psychology, there is a differentiation between explicit and implicit memory tasks. When you are consciously trying to remember something, you are explicitly remembering it. This is where it becomes most obvious to people that they have Aphantasia - no matter how hard they explicitly try to visualize something (or, remember its image), they cannot. Implicit memory, on the other hand, is recalling something without trying. When a memory pops into your head without you trying to retrieve it on purpose, that is an implicit memory. There are examples of people with severe memory damage, specifically anterograde amnesia (the inability or difficulty to create new memories after the point of a traumatic brain injury), who cannot explicitly store or remember information or events that have happened since their injuries, but have been able to implicitly remember some information.

I find a similar thing to be true for my own experiences with Aphantasia. I cannot explicitly remember images or visualize things, but I am able to implicitly create them, especially through daydreaming. However, once I notice that I am visualizing something implicitly and it turns into an explicit attempt to continue it, I lose the image. I was wondering if anyone else has a similar experience, and what people think of the connection to explicit/implicit memory? I have been considering eventually going on to do graduate research on Aphantasia and its relation to other neurodivergences.

Die For You In Secret

In which Merlin and Lancelot start sleeping together at the end of season three, Arthur notices, Gwaine is all too perceptive, and Merlin realizes that the heart's capacity for love is greater than he ever could have imagined.
I love poly stories, and this one is so beautiful and so so heartbreaking. Make sure you have tissues.

How do y’all interpret new littles whose ideas, words, and behavior suggest time stuck traumas for which no memories seem to have surfaced? We’ve been treating them as trauma holders, generally, even though we have no direct evidence or knowledge of explicit memory of anything as traumatic as they seem to have experienced. The ones I’m thinking of were profoundly not okay, as if in the midst or immediate aftermath of really heavy shit, and usually somewhat co-con with me.

When they pop out while we’re on weed though, and their stories seem a little more extreme, I start to wonder whether any of it is real, whether this whole traumagenic story is real or if I’m just plain delusional. Several professionals have said I have DID and one noted definitely not schizophrenia in my case, but... some of this stuff is hard to take at face value.

On the other hand... this life we’ve had has been provably very weird and quite abnormally dangerous. Things that might be hard to believe otherwise aren’t that much of a stretch. I hate this twilight zone bullshit.

TW: suicidal thoughts CW: explicit sex description

I have certain memories from when I was with my ex that cause me so much unbearable dysphoria. He wasn't supportive at all when it came to me identifying as nonbinary. Worst of all, he would pressure me to expose my chest(I'm afab) to him during sex. This is really difficult for me to even think about but the worst incident was a time when we included my roommate in sexual activities. I don't regret involving my roommate because he is my friend and I trust him. What I regret is letting my ex pressure me into taking my binder and bra off during this. (Warning: this will get a little explicit) My roommate was sitting next to us on the couch touching himself as my ex was about to go down on me; at this moment he started to pull off my sports bra. I kept pushing his hands away and mumbling no. We were all pretty intoxicated and having fun and stupidly, I didn't want to ruin the moment by making my roommate feel uncomfortable. He had forced my bra off many times during sex before so I eventually gave in and let him pull it off. I tried to just block out my extreme discomfort. What bothered me the most was having my roommate see my chest. The dysphoria was just killing me.

I was so drunk that I can't even remember if I ever managed to put it back on at on at any point. I told myself that I would never again make sexual decisions like while intoxicated. Ever since this night I'll just randomly get flashes of what happened and it just makes me want to die. I have mild tourettes and whenever I get a flashback of that moment it triggers tics. Sometimes I just have to scream while driving whenever I think about it. I'm so angry at him and at myself. I feel so fucked up about this. A couple weeks later I eventually was able to bring this up to my roommate and to my relief he said that he noticed this too and that it really bothered him. I don't blame him in any way for not speaking up because at the time, I was pretending I was okay. It's not his responsibility to speak for me. My roommate has one of the most supportive people in my life when it comes to my gender identity. He was also the first person to ever ask me my preferred pronouns and to use them. Something my ex never did for me.

This all happened about a year ago and it's still killing me inside. I wish I could just forget this never happened but I can't.

We were together for a year and a half. Throughout our relationship

Does Alzheimer's disease affect all types of memory (explicit, implicit, and sensory memories)? thanks!

This is something i thought of randomly last night and talked to my friend about. Are any examples of such thing?

UPDATE: Solved! I cleared CMOS, and it's working again.

BIOS Screenshot

 
 

First thing first, my build specifications:
 
Computer Type: Desktop

GPU: RX 470 Nitro+ 8GB

CPU: RYZEN 5 2600

Motherboard: MSI B450 Tomahawk MAX

BIOS Version: 7C02v3A

RAM: G.Skill FlareX F4-3200C14D-16GFX

Operating System & Version: Archlinux

 
So I distinctly remembered that I manage to set my RAM speed to 3200MHz before, and I didn't touch my BIOS since. But today I opened my BIOS and notice that the RAM speed is back to 2400MHz. This is while the A-XMP Profile being set to Profile 2.
 
I tried resetting the A-XMP Profile, using Memory Try It!, CMIIW it should work even without restarting the BIOS (it should be instantly change the speed). But it didn't change anything.
 
I tried updating the BIOS (I'm still using the 1st BIOS released for this motherboard) to the latest stable (non-beta) v3A. But it doesn't work either.
 
I'm wondering does this mean my RAM stick got damaged or my motherboard or something. Anyone experiencing this issue? What other step I could take to troubleshoot this issue?
 
BIOS Screenshot

Officially, I'm Catholic. I have all three sacraments of initiation and while most of my parts are either atheist/agnostic or pagan, a part of me has remained Catholic, still prays occasionally, feels Jesus's love and enjoys spend time in churches.

Anyway, when I was 12, my mother invited her acquaintance, a bishop who was known for his liberal and humanist views and who I was quite in awe of and excited to meet, to our house. She also invited our local priest, who liked to drink and party (seriously, he had parties going on every weekend, his house was pretty close to ours so you could hear the music and voices). I came home from school and entered the living room to introduce myself and possibly sit down to talk with them a bit. I managed to say "hello" when our priest who'd already had a few said with an appreciative gaze at my still very childlike body: "Oh my, [my name], seeing you makes me glad to be a man!"

I was beyond humiliated and furious. How dare he! I retorted "this was a very nasty thing to say" and turned to go to my room. I remember seeing the bishop looking a bit ill and my mother looking annoyed. I heard through the door how my mother apologized for 'my outburst'. I stayed in my room until they were gone.

Once they were gone, my mom said to me how I had embarassed her in front of the bishop and how could I do that, how could I be so crass. That it really 'wasn't appropriate'. Completely invalidating the verbal sexual abuse that had happened, the humiliation I had endured by being thus objectified, to say nothing of how much her failure to intervene and protect me hurt.

God I hate my mother in so many ways, she was so very inefficient and incapable/unwilling to protect and support me.

It's been a while since I recovered memories, but it's not really shocking that it's happening again now at this stage in my life and in therapy. Mostly, I'm posting, because I'm at a loss as to what to do. There's really nothing TO do. I can't unremember, I can't do anything to change it, there's nothing to stop or fix or protect anymore.

Recovering these memories just brings...pain. But pain that there's nothing I can do about, and I don't really know what to do. I'm struggling to sit with this pain - I can't seem to do so. Instead, I waffle between denial/it was all a dream and then just...blunt pain.

The part holding these memories is confusing me. I thought it was a very carefree child part - and maybe it is, or maybe the carefree part is the pre-trauma part, and the memories I've recovered are like the end of her. I don't know. Does it matter?

I feel so blunted. Somehow both in pain but also not here at all. My brain is scarily silent. The words coming out of my mouth aren't what I want to say, but I also can't seem to access what I want to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to move through this. How do you move through this? How do you process recovered memories? How do you process trauma at all?

I don't feel real. I feel invisible. Literally invisible. I'm not me. I'm not even here.

If I remember correctly, it started with her reading a memory of some Russian mafia gang leader’s experience of banging some chick earlier that day doggy style, and being pissed that she got a tattoo of Jesus on her buttcheek that seemed to stare at and judge him.

In the modern day, she was playing cards with some Russian mafia/gang members. Probably Poker. She also had the ability to stop time, but she couldn’t move her physical body-she could sort of move like a ghost to look from other angles, but her body would be frozen like everybody else.

She mused quite a bit. One of the gang members (Shkillet, Russian for Skeleton) who was staring at her chest, she knew that she dressed like that intentionally but it still bothered her. She mused about her father/parents dying and she was looking for the killer. Tales about people with powers like her who could access far earlier memories than she could-she had a limited reach.

Later she’s at the club’s bathroom and fights off Shkillet who was implied to be attempting to rape her. She references how rape “wasn’t explicitly banned” at the club or something.

Later on, she visits her brother, and it turns out it’s her birthday. Instead of staying with her bro, she goes to the club to find a one night stand. She goes to a different, nonmafia club and grinds. (“Is that a flashlight in your pockets?”)

As she goes with her new catch to do the do, she gets caught up by the boss (the one who banged the Jesus tattoo lady) and Shkillet. The boss interrogates her, thinking that she could be a spy due to her fighting skills and her use of pillow talk to try to find her father’s killer. She uses the knowledge of the Jesus tattoo on the boss’s woman to claim that Shkillet also banged her, turning the boss’s attention away from her.

That’s all I remember.

I am hoping to get some advice on nootropics that might fix some very specific problems I am having with respect to what I think is explicit memory recall. Let me give some context:

As I have progressed in school, I have begun to notice some very serious deficits in some cognitive processes, likely long-term explicit memory problems.

For example, I've managed to graduate with an entire engineering degree and nearly perfect grades, but have retained about 5% of the information taught. Other students who performed significantly "worse" in school are able to recall much more information-- and this worries the hell out of me. It is evident from standardized test results that I have good short-term reasoning abilities, indicating that my implicit memory is extremely high-functioning; otherwise I would just write off my recall compared to my current peers as a result of a relatively lower IQ. I have this bizarre ability to study for and take a test (usually math-based), and walk out of the testing room without any recall of what was covered on the test or how I solved the problems. I can only solve the problems in that moment, and typically nail the process with great accuracy. I am able to digest information and determine the implications in the short-term with excellent accuracy, but in order to remember anything I concluded I would have to write it down. Additionally, any information I actually can recall from undergrad is mentally stored as symbols, letters, or graphs (i.e. I can't recall nearly anything at a conceptual level in which I could verbally explain it to someone). I have difficulty translating things out of symbolic/mathematical terms. Before I can conceptually evaluate the cause or effect of doing something, I have to see the mathematical relationship between variables.

Have any of you experienced memory/cognitive issues similar to mine, and how did you go about fixing this with nootropics (or anything, quite frankly)?