What do you call a member of law enforcement who likes to show people his skills on the Guitar?

A share riff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Being a parking enforcement officer has to be the most exhausting job out there.

It seems like there's always a lot to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmshady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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What do they call the law enforcement in Indiana?

Indianapolice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/operationmason
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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What do you call law enforcement in a large city?

Megalopolice.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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DWI enforcement

My girlfriend saw a police car with DWI enforcement written on the back of it. I asked her why she thinks it's written there and she says "so when they arrest someone they can be like DWI'd you do that?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zom8ie5layer117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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What do you call snake who switches careers from standup comedy to Canadian law enforcement?

Mountie Python

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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I did a stand-up comedy gig for a law enforcement fraternity...

... I must have killed it, because they wanted to charge me with attempted manslaughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_me_your_beavah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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What do you call a prostitue that only works for law enforcement branches of the government?

Police Escort

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seaweed_17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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If law enforcement officers were called to the apartment of a female bassist in response to a noise complaint, there would be sheriffs because she riffs.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManLeader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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Peta has a new militant wing, with the mission of enforcing vegan lifestyle..

It’s called Al-Quinoa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beewthanitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Who enforces cheese standards in Mexico?

The Feta-ralies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avian80
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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An almond doesn’t lactate: The FDA hasn’t been enforcing its own policy or putting the squeeze on product makersβ€”and that it’s time to get abreast of the labeling language. arstechnica.com/tech-poli…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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The town I was in had unusual parking enforcers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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Spain surprised the world by taking a stand by banning pens and enforcing the use of quills for handwriting.

No one expected the Spanish Ink Position.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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What kind of dinosaur enforces the law?

A triceracop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOctopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
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They are discussing bringing in fruit to use against the protesters!

Next wave of enforcement will be Apricops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosBadger777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Beans, natures personal space, enforcer!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rogue-Welder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why...

The sign clearly said, β€œFine for parking."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
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My dad likes to sit in his front yard chasing kids off his property...

...Like some Lawn Enforcement Officer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Did you hear about the gnome cop?

He works in lawn enforcement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Umm... China bans wordplay in attempt at pun control theguardian.com/world/201…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stainlessteal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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Why was the pun so offensive?

It was homophonic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Excrubulent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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Pun finding help: immigration edition

If you have any ideas about puns involving the terms immigration attorney, immigration and customs enforcement/ICE, and puns about immigration detention that would be amazing.

You guys are immigreat, thanks so much!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Noah271
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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My Dad said this one today.

So I was talking to my Dad about his work (Law Enforcement) and the transporting of criminals and how the searches work and how people could say things like "We found a pair of scissors in his rectum" to which my dad says "Rectum? They could have killed him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEndingDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Dad joke from my law professor today

Professor: In the past, only contracts that involved a certain degree of formality were enforceable by the court. This required a business person who wished to create enforceable contracts to have to bring a seal around with them. Does anyone realize the practical difficulties of carrying around a seal with you?

Class: (No answer)

Professor: Well you would have to bring fish to feed the seal, a trainer to watch the seal while you are away conducting business. It would be rather ridiculous

Class: ....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Pizza_Puncher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
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Dad joke on Christmas Cats TV

First of all, ChristmasCatsTV is a thing.

Secondly: "How do cats keep order?" "They have claw enforcement!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesongsinmyhead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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Who enforces cheese standards in Mexico?

The Cheddarales (ched-er-AHL-ays).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/molotok_c_518
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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