Que s'est-il passΓ© en l'an 1111 ?

L'invasion des Huns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papapac
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Wife: β€œC’est la vie...”

Husband: β€œLa vie”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rosedj1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWildTeo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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My Grandpa told the longest buildup to the "dad"-est joke I've ever heard.

So there was a murderer and his name was Ardy. His last name was too long and complicated and everyone knew him in town, so everyone called him "Ardy". One of his buddies asked him to kill this guy for $3000 and after Ardy did a bit of research, he realized he knew him and had a grudge against him for years. So Ardy told the guy: "I hate this guy so much, I'll kill him for free."

Ardy's buddy said "Are you sure? I gotta give you something!"

So Ardy said, "Ok ok. I'll do it for a dollar."

The next morning, the guy was at Meijer (A grocery store) and Ardy came up behind him and choked him with his scarf. When he was done killing him, there was a woman screaming at him to stop. So Ardy had to choke her with his scarf too. After that, he ran to his car and there was an old man watching him, so Ardy went over and choked him too. In the middle of killing the old man, the police pulled up and arrested Ardy. After a bit of interrogation, Ardy admitted to killing all of them, and especially the first guy for only a dollar.

The next morning, the headlines read:

Ardy Chokes 3 for a Dollar at Meijer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legownz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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c'est la vie

So me and my dad were talking about some stuff and I said "c'est la vie" and he replied with "La vie".

We both cracked laughing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchDrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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My friend comiserating their depressing life: "C'est la vie"

my response: "la vie"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigassbigtitties
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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The classic-est of Dad jokes

My dad was helping me put up a mountable TV stand in my apartment. He takes out his stud-finder and holds it up to his chest, chuckling, "Hey look, I found a stud". My mom gave the same eye-roll and half-smile she's been giving him for the past 38 years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atlantis145
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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Boyfriend's Dad is the punny-est

Bf's Uncle: I didn't like the movie Gravity. It wasn't bad, just a little boring.

Bf's Dad: So Gravity didn't draw you in?


Bf's Dad: I haven't eaten goat meat since I was a kid

Cue me dying laughing while my boyfriend struggles to understand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alohomorgan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
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Int-deer-esting courtesy of r/therealjoke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theatrekidluc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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What do you call a bear without an ear?

B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MudComplete
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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My collection of irreplaceable French movies was stolen.

C'est la D vie D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrgraff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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It's been forever since I've been on this sub

I reckon it was last year

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?

Because the oignon est!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5hred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Who is the cleverest Disney character?

Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktwin54
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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I met a man named Jim Apple the other day.

He has trouble introducing himself in France.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YouIdiotSandwhich
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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Cop: Sit on that chair,so we can interrogate you.

Lawyer : (whispering) Deny everything.

Me : This isn't a chair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Just got out dadjoked by my 5yo.

The conversation went like this.

Dad: C'est la vie.

Kid: La vie.

Dad: No, "C'est la vie."

Kid: I did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drygon_Stevens
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Did you hear about North Korea shutting down because of a Covid case?

It turns out Kim Jong is not the il-est.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiddenmanna
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I don't often tell dad jokes

but when I do, he usually laughs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somodo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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Best Golf Pun contest has started

Our Golf Pun contest is starting tonight at 5PM EST. It's free to enter. Winner gets $150 Amazon eGift Card .........

Please invite all the punsters you'd like .......... https://golfpuns.com/index.php

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πŸ‘€︎ u/golfpuns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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"Soy sauce"

Hola sauce, soy Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Breadache.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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Monet and the Nose

A painting by Claude Monet was recently discovered. It's an illustration of a man's nose. The museum decided to title it Mon Nez

Explanation :

Mon and nez are respectively French for my and nose. If one pronounces mon and nez correctly, and rapidly, it sounds a bit like Monet (mo-nénè)

Edit: I made an error with the accents; chose aigu (Γ©) instead of grave (Γ¨)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadfastDrifter
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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For the french speaking people : Michael Jackson Γ©tait mal dans sa peau ...

... encore faut-il que ce soit la sienne !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maramixus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I hate french haunted houses...

They give me the crepes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bryce-I-guess
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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A baguette in the butt...

Would be such a pain in the ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guacamole-slut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Dad: Hey son, what are you drinking?

Son: Soy milk. Why? Dad: Hola Milk, soy est tΓΊ Padre!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarGarnet03
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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"Is this French just-in-time compiler legit?"

  "Oui oui, c'est  Le JIT."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tqgibtngo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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I'm too lazy to fight...

Turns out I'm the passive-est

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
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Pass me the ugly.

We are from Quebec so we speak french.

It's lunchtime and someone at the table is getting thirsty. (Keep in mind that ''laid'' and ''lait'' are pronounced the same way in french)

''Peux tu me passer le lait, papa? (Can you pass over the milk, dad?)'' My sister says.

''Ben, le laid est just lΓ ! (Well, the ugly is right there!)'' My dad says while pointing at me.

He then proceeds to laugh, extremely proud of his joke. Oh dad..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twitos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
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Joke de père

Im french-canadian. ^^"Hi ^^french-canadian, ^^im ^^dad" ^^done!

Im made an awesome dadjoke earlier but it is french. Im still gonna tell you, cause its awesome, but don't worrie, I'll explain it over and over and laugh doing it, because, after all, im a dad and the same rules apply, whatever the language.

So, the mother was distributing cookies after the meal. One for the daughter, one for me and 2 for her. Doing it, she said "le deuxième, c'est mon pourboire" (the second is my tip) in french, tip is pourboire, but, if you separate the word like so "pour boire" it means "for drinking". So, I said to her "pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger!" (for drinking? Cookies are for eating)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA. FUCK ME, ITS HILARIOUS.

See, its a classic dadjoke in french and I still got her good! "Pour boire? Ben non, c'est pour manger" hahahahah. Cause you don't drink cookie, you eat it. Hahaha. So great. Eyes were rolling all over the place, I almost step on one. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You got it, right? She said, "the second cookie is my tip" (le deuxième biscuit est mon pourboire) and I reply "tip? Cookies are for eating!" (Pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger) HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MAN, its funny as hell!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brunovitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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Apparently, my classmates are a conglomerate of dads

"what does a little bird inside a Computer do?"

"microchip"

"that is a hat, keep that in your head"

"what do they tell you when you live a seed bank?"

"thank you for coming"

"I never wanted to be a trucker, it never in-tir-ested me"

"Do you know why watches leave a mark on you wrist?"

"becouse the time is tight"

"life is like Battleship, today you ate, tomorrow C6"

Really, each joke is from a different classmate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Makator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Classic dad in france joke

We're on vacation in paris, eating at a restaurant.

Dad: Are we up for another bottle de vin? (terrible french accent)

Mom: Hey, C'est la vie.

Dad: La vie, but what about the wine?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bklynbraver
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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