Dumfriesshire Puns

Metesbilge has been telling us of the Scottish Liberal Democrats plan to reduce fly-tipping and littering in rural areas. They said:

“Fly-tipping and littering are massive issues in my constituency and it not only causes visual pollution, but it is also harmful to the environment. How anyone thinks leaving furniture in the middle of nowhere or dropping a sweetie wrapper is acceptable, I will never know.

“But what I do know is that our plan to end this will work. We will give people convicted of fly-tipping a minimum of 50 hours of community service, but will also keep the fines of up to £2,500 and monetary payments of up to £40,000 and, for the worst cases, a 12 month custodial sentence.

“To address littering, we will raise the fixed penalty notice from £80 to £120 and, for repeat offenders, will implement a minimum penalty of £1,000 and 30 hours community service.

“We will run a big campaign informing people of the penalties and environmental impacts, which will certainly reduce the rate of fly-tipping and littering.

“Also, I thank everyone here today in Langholm for helping to clean up this beautiful town, and everyone all over Scotland for doing the same, but it is a shame that we have to do this in the first place.”

They also encouraged more people to get involved in cleaning up their communities and to raise awareness of impacts of fly-tipping and littering.

The MP and MSP finished by saying: “Governments can implement all these things, but it is local communities that will end this issue, and that is why I am out here today and will continue to help out.”

A flag based off the county of Dumfriesshire in South East Scotland

https://preview.redd.it/gj8xmzt2vxh11.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=6b83055da958a7d24ab3c33c5c534eec1c168014

Friends,

Tomorrow, you will all get the chance to choose the future. The Government you all help to elect will take Scotland forward through the most decisive moment in its history. The future of Scotland, its place in the union, and the prosperity of its people will all be forged in the fire of the next few years. Whoever leads the Government over this period will have an eternal influence over this nation - their legacy will be etched in to the memories of every Scot.

The historical criticality of this election is of a biblical scale. It’s results will reverberate through the tomes of history, its ramifications echoing through the consciousness of the Scottish people long in to the future. Our nation’s very form will be molded and shaped by what you decide tomorrow, both here in South Scotland, and across the country.

The very simple fact is that the right to vote is a super power. Simply by putting an X in a box, you play a gigantic role in history, helping to steer the course of Government and politics in Scotland for years. It is the most powerful thing you can do. It is your chance to decide what sort of country you want. Your chance to choose what job opportunities you want. Your chance to improve the quality of your schools and hospitals.

In this election, the future rests in your hands. It belongs to you. You have the chance to speak truth to power and bring hope to those with nothing. Think of the power you have to transform others lives. To have a lasting legacy on the people of Scotland. To play your role in changing the world.

If you want to harness the full capacity of that power, and bring deep-rooted, long lasting change, then vote Scottish Labour tomorrow.

As your MSP, and with a strong contingent of MSP colleagues, we will rebuild Scotland’s economy, and put small businesses and workers co-operatives back in the driving seat. We will invest in schools in hospitals, making sure no student is left behind and nobody is left out in the corridor. And we will ensure a strong and proud Scotland in a strong and proud United Kingdom.

I will work hard everyday to, in everything I do, prove to you that politics can be a force for good. I will be an active face in communities across South Scotland long after election day. I will always be honest, I will keep to my principles and promises, and I will answers fully and directly. I want to fight and crusade to change politics, to give people faith in it, and to redefine what it means to people.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

They were cooked in Greece.