I think the patients will enjoy the extra bedspace.
To me this was the moment I knew my girlfriend was a pun master.
Going to the kitchen to grab some more food, my girlfriend happened to be standing there. As a was scooping seconds of dinner she said something and I said one second.. She said "no seconds" as the scoop hit the plate and the words left my mouth.. Two puns at once! I was impressed and amazed needed to post it.
Playing soccer with my 8 year old brother (I'm sortve like an uncle to him) when he then says his eye is hurting.
Me: Really are you okay?
Him: Yeah it's alright. It happens sometimes when I'm reading and i can't make out the words.
Me: (thinking he may have dyslexia) Oh really, what happens to the words when you try to read them?
Him: I can't read them. Sometimes words just moosh together, like "they" and "are" become one word, it's weird.
Me: Maybe you just have conjunctivitis!
XD
(Then had to explain what "conjunctivitis" and a "conjunction" is - still a win in my books)
Current events make it less attractive.
All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop
Yes it’s a double pun. This is probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my whole life...
So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.
After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop
It's actually a double pun and enters the realm of dad quality
I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.
Oops, wrong sub!
The fairy of relativity.
As a sole provider they'll likely get you something that's laced.
I can just never think of anything else to finish them off with
Now they can Scandinavian!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To see the idiot.
...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The chicken.
Yeah, they're calling it global worming.
It was two triggered.
they cost an arm and a leg
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Hold it in front of a mirror
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
Because one is a repost.
It’s his altar ego.
It was just my fly.
First she hit the roof, then the light, then the roof again.
It’s been double crossed so many times.
Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.
Skipper of course.
A book mark.
It can offer a whole lot more.
a BOING 747
"Sprint with me in hell"
Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
Would that be double homicide?
Dad: W
Because it’s sitting in the middle of the AC
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
It becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
That's inflation for you
Debris was everywhere.
I graduated by the skin of my teeth
Once upon a time there was a king in the olden times
He loved giving out diktats like
"So shall citizens pay double the tax"
"So shall boys over 18 join the army"
He went to war with China
He won
In the court, they brought a Chinese man
"Your Majesty, he's the best singer in China, but refuses to sing since he is unwell with cough, fever"
The king then gave out a new diktat
"So shall this Tan sing"
And to this day, when it happens..
.. Desperate to win her back.
Double Gloucester
The bartender gives it to her.
You'll have to Walkman.
He’s my buddy double.
My boss is going to be so mad when he finds out about this double-cross.
I hadn’t the foggiest idea what I mist.
Irony on two many levels.
The bartender asks “Don’t you mean a martini?”
In response the Roman says “If I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”
But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with.
The bartender gave it to me
It was a double-hedged sword.
We were sitting on a little bench, watching birds going crazy over some bread that had been left on the ground. "I wonder who gave the little birds those rolls", she said.
"Probably the casting director."
A double crossbow.
so we call him the postman now.
If a woman sleeps with ten men she's a slut, but if a man does it he's gay.
Wait until you have a midlife crisis, then double your age.
I was told this joke belongs here
A double rainbow.
