Double pun : What did the pizza say to the paper?

"You're a pizza sheet"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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Double Pun double the fun
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Double pun.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemaholicCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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The double pun
πŸ‘︎ 874
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryyi23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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Double pun.
πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jojjixx55
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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Double pun!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stolen_Burrito
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Double pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/powellwi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Double puns anyone else?

To me this was the moment I knew my girlfriend was a pun master.

Going to the kitchen to grab some more food, my girlfriend happened to be standing there. As a was scooping seconds of dinner she said something and I said one second.. She said "no seconds" as the scoop hit the plate and the words left my mouth.. Two puns at once! I was impressed and amazed needed to post it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wheatiesforme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
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Got my 8 year old brother with double pun, that left him in silence and me in laughter (as usual)

Playing soccer with my 8 year old brother (I'm sortve like an uncle to him) when he then says his eye is hurting.

Me: Really are you okay?

Him: Yeah it's alright. It happens sometimes when I'm reading and i can't make out the words.

Me: (thinking he may have dyslexia) Oh really, what happens to the words when you try to read them?

Him: I can't read them. Sometimes words just moosh together, like "they" and "are" become one word, it's weird.

Me: Maybe you just have conjunctivitis!

XD

(Then had to explain what "conjunctivitis" and a "conjunction" is - still a win in my books)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Behemoth_The_Cat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2015
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Double negatives.

Double negatives are a real no-no.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Risperdali
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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I told Bill Withers, β€œAin’t No Sunshine is a double negative. That’s bad grammar.”

He said, β€œI know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jewyouevenlift
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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A woman walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a "Double Entendre".

So he gives it to her.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mano_Trueno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Double helix
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenB323
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Why do snipers double as excellent actors?

They’re great at range

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Not many know this, but Chewbacca actually led a double life as a boxing champion.

He was as famous for his barrage of punches as he was for his rhyming taunts before a big match.

The called him the Jabberwookie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/praisethelort
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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A lady walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre

So he gave her one

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I just finished making a short film in Russia about Vin Diesel’s body double.

It’s considered a Vin nyet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theeclat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I don’t trust double blind studies

It’s literally the blind leading the blind.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceCoolBrutus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I almost got a double major in Mathematics and Agriculture

...but I couldn't pass cowculus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaMammatus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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Double tap
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DerBrutalo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Double tap
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentMuscle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My 7 year old proudly said dad I double knotted my shoe.

I said, "You did not." She glares at me, "Yes I did." Me, "You did knot." She grudgingly accepts reality and stomps away, head shaking.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Just had double knee surgery in Japan

I guess you can call them Japa-knees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b-dummy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Why did the road double-cross the chicken?

Because the chicken was on its wrong side.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Never trust a shoe salesman who doubles as a drug dealer

As a sole provider they'll likely get you something that's laced.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0DEWzard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Double attack?
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicysand420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.

From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I’m trying to stop making double ententres

But my god, it’s so hard!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deffish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What do you call a pixie who double-majored in physics and genealogy?

The fairy of relativity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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All the jokes I think of end with a double preposition

I can just never think of anything else to finish them off with

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soody765
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I've got a double joke for you

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why?

To see the idiot.

...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LikeThosePenguins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Why was the double barreled shotgun unable to speak when it was upset?

It was two triggered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Double rainbow!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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why are double amputations so expensive?

they cost an arm and a leg

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Pea
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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My name is bond, double.....
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcZPcZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry...

Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rowanowski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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What's an easy way to double your money?

Hold it in front of a mirror

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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double whammy
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trilingual_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Darlings you got to let me know. Should I shave or should I grow? If I shave there could be stubble, and if I grow it could be double. So c’mon and let me know ohhhh..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slomaroma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Double punitration
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πŸ‘€︎ u/friendlydudeguy
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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My wife found out last night that I had swapped our double bed for a 14 foot round trampoline...

First she hit the roof, then the light, then the roof again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Double crosspost
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chazmmmm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Double tap on your screen.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerGav09
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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Double Whammy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amiibosss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Son: Dad, if u had double the money, double the time and double the energy, then what would u be?

Dad: W

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Jokster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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What do pirates on the Double-Dutchman call their Cap'n?

Skipper of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhulifactor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What do you call a double decker airplane that bounces on the runway while it lands?

a BOING 747

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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