I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?
That's where I draw the line.
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
Talking about uterus at dinner... Don't ask
My friend says, did y'all know that in Australia they have a store called yute-r-us?
My friend asks if it is okay to park without paying. I told him, “don’t worry.”
Please bring my x back, don't ask y :(
People ask me why I don’t go out much anymore, but I tell them it’s because I just bought a pet cow.
I have been milking that excuse for weeks now.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
A string goes into a bar. He asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says “we don’t serve string here.
So the string goes outside and waits for a while. He goes back in and sets at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “we don’t serve string here.
So, frustrated the string goes back outside and sits n the curb. Boom, he gets run over and tumbles and starts to come apart.
He goes back into the same bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks closely at him and says “hey aren’t you that piece of string that was just in here?”
The string looks him in the eye and says “nope, I’m a frayed knot!”
Don't ask me what's gonna happen tomorrow
I don't have 20/20 vision
PS: Expect a lot of these sort of jokes today.
Don't ask me about my dating life
Not a joke per se, but definitely fits - I texted my daughter "in a bottle" and then waited for her to ask "what's this I don't get it. How come out of the blue you just randomly send me the message 'in a...' ... I hate you"
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
Lesson learned: Don't ask IT guys for help
I hate when people ask me where I'll be in two years, come on guys I don't have 2020 vision.
If someone asks you where you see yourself in a years time simply reply: “I don’t have 2020 vision”!
If your kid asks you "dad, how many kidneys do i have?" And you don't say 4, are you really a dad?
Husband asks his wife “Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?”
Wife says “Because I don’t like calling you when you’re at work”
Son, if a woman ever asks you to spell “PART A” backwards, don’t do it!
Don't ask me why I refuse to answer questions.
Don't ask me why I have diarrhoea
Don’t ask me about next year,
I don’t have 2020 vision.
People ask me why I don't wear Heelys.
A mom brings her baby to the doctor who says - wow, your baby is beautiful ! She says - thanks, but I'm sure you say that to every mom. He says - no I don't. She asks - what do you say if the baby is ugly??
Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!
Don't ask REO Speedwagon questions
They'll just tell you they heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another that you been messin' around.
"Why don't you like throwing sports, dad?" I ask after he goes on a rant about track and field.
I don't like to discus it.
My friend Rhee died, but I've convinced myself that he's just gone far away. I don't like to talk about it, so when someone asks me I just say...
My daughters don't ask me to make sandwiches anymore...
Either daughter: Dad, make me a sandwich.
Me: Poof! You're a sandwich!
Don't ask dad where he's going because...
(As he's leaving the house) Me: “Dad, where are you going?"
Dad: “I'm going crazy! Wanna come?!"
"Will you just clean your room when I ask you to? I don't wanna have to keep saying it. I hate to repeat myself...
...I hate to repeat myself. I hate to repeat myself. I hate to repeat myself."
A string goes into the bar and the bartender tells him, “We don’t serve your kind here” the string then leaves, twists himself up and parts his hair, coming back to the bar, the bartender then asks, “Aren’t you the string from yesterday?”
The string replies, “I’m a frayed knot”
If someone asks you to spell “part” backwards, don’t.
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