What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is
that one of them is an elephant.
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate?
What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?
Whats the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus depot and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
I’ll see myself out...
Do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
What's the difference between karate and judo?
Karate is a method of self defense, while judo is what bagels are made from.
What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin?
A white penguin is coming towards you, while a black penguin is walking away from you.
Wife (serious question): What is the difference between a date and a prune?
Me: one you get lucky and the other you don't.
She was mad enough to leave the room...
From my 8yr old: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!
What's the difference between Satan and Santa?
Whats the difference between snowman and snowladies???
What’s the difference between a hot dog and a pit bull?
A pit bull bites the hand that feeds it, while a hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter ✨
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts
Beer nuts are a $1:37. Deer nuts are under a buck.
What's the difference between the government and the mafia?
The mafia can turn a profit!
What is a difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
What's the difference between a camera and a sock ?
One takes 5 toes and the other takes 1 less.
mushroom pun but i need approval because it’s 3AM and i can’t tell the difference between fungus and fungi
why was the mushroom worker so fun to be around?
because he was a fungi
What is the difference between a guitar , a Tuna and a pot of glue?
You can tun(a) guitar but cannot guitar a tuna
What’s the difference between me and the family dog?
The dogs allowed to walk naked around the house
What is the difference between an art installation and performance art?
Crap on your neighbors doorstep then ring the doorbell - that's an art installation.
Ring the doorbell THEN crap on his doorstep - that's performance art.
What's the difference between a cat and an iron rod?
Nothing, they're both felines
What’s the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
One minds the train while the other trains the mind.
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?
The one for children has baby teeth
What is the difference between a cat and a compound statement?
One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of its clause!
What's the difference between me and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.....
Ba Dum Tissss
Whats the difference between a human and an animal?
You can legally put down one
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?
Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.
What's the difference between 1 and 2 acres?
It's easy to tell the difference between sober and drunk pedestrians.
The difference is staggering.
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a badly dressed man on a bicycle?
What is the difference between an old bus station and a crab with a boob job?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
What’s the difference between a zippo and a hippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter
What is the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean!
What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
What's The Difference Between A Dirty Bus Stop And A Lobster With Breast Implants?
One is a crusty bus station while the other is a busty crustacean.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
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