Why is it hard to measure power usage with differential equations?

Because Watt and Euler don't mix.

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π︎ Jan 04 2020
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I felt so damn clever this morning (Ordinary Differential Equation) imgur.com/6HkYIP8
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π€︎ u/euler13
π︎ Jun 02 2014
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Why can't Harry Potter differentiate between his best friend and a cooking pot

They're both cauldron

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π€︎ u/Vico__Staps
π︎ Jan 17 2020
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How did mama Moose differentiate between her twin son Moose?

With a Moosetash

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π€︎ u/bonp27
π︎ Sep 13 2020
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The US Postal Service doesn't have enough machines to differentiate the mail.

They're all out of sorts.

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π€︎ u/JoeFas
π︎ Aug 22 2020
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Snowballs differentiating snow-man from snow-woman.. But the kid didn't carrot all!
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π€︎ u/Stha118
π︎ Jan 14 2020
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No gender differentiation here
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π€︎ u/id_fuck_me_
π︎ Nov 03 2013
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I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

It was hard to differentiate between them.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Mar 21 2020
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How do you differentiate between a girl ant and a boy ant?

You put them in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant, if it floats, it's buoyant.

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π€︎ u/buzzed_ducko
π︎ Apr 07 2017
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If you are taking a calculus exam, donβt sit between two identical twins.

Itβs very difficult to differentiate between them.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Jul 18 2020
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Thereβs three types of people in this world

People who can count, and people who canβt.

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π€︎ u/jussumguy25
π︎ Oct 12 2019
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Why is Kim Jong-un's library so big ?

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π︎ Aug 30 2016
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Man, when you have a bladder infection...

Urine trouble.

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π€︎ u/6223Error
π︎ Jul 22 2019
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A new restaurant has opened near me called 'Subtraction'

They also do takeaway

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π€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
π︎ Aug 22 2019
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A dad ponders gas prices imgur.com/bZTHWfR
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π€︎ u/K_Fred
π︎ Nov 21 2013
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My wife asked if I felt like vietnamese for dinner

Pho sure

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π€︎ u/tkh0812
π︎ Feb 20 2014
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

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π€︎ u/DONT_PM_MEH_PLEES
π︎ Jun 09 2015
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Cheesy pun from my math teacher and myself

We were doing calculus in our math class, and when my teacher said βdifferentiate the function with respect to t,β I asked her if she really does respect t. Then she told me she respects tea more than she does coffee.

I love her.

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π€︎ u/sungmoki
π︎ Mar 02 2018
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I should stop leaving my calculus book at the bar.

I've been told its wrong to drink and derive.

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π€︎ u/ghettoshen
π︎ Jun 30 2013
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Animals puns for wedding tables...

We're having a Canadian wedding with an animal theme to differentiate the different tables. On each table we'll have an animal emblem with some kind of love pun for each animal. It's been a trying affair to come up with these, but I know a lot of them could be better. In fact, most of them are downright ridiculous.

Reddit, how can we improve these?

Moose - I find you amoosing.

Beaver - I think I'll pick this flower for her, it would beavery romantic.

Owl - Owl always love you.

Fox - You are the object of my affoxtion.

Skunk - I stink you're sweet!

Bunny - Everybunny loves you!

Woodpecker - Knock Knock! Who's there? Wood! Wood who? Wood you be mine?

Porcupuine. I'm stuck on you.

Wolf - Wolf you marry me?

Trout - We'll be together trout eternity!

Turtle - You're turtley amazing.

Lynx - Let us lynx our lives together.

Bear - To be away from you is unbearable.

Squirrel - I'm going nuts for you!

Raven - Can't stop raven about you.

Turkey - I could just gobble you up!

Caribou - Where does one find a wedding ring for his deer? Why at the cariboutique, of course.

Deer - I love you deerly!

Goose - You give me goose bumps.

Sasquatch - Getting you to marry me was no small feat.

Also looking for some ideas for racoon, snake, and groundhogs.

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π€︎ u/TonyMcConkey
π︎ Apr 06 2014
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Something I never understood about math

Where did Poly go? Because Poly-gone

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π€︎ u/SammyTheBEAST
π︎ Mar 03 2016
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Friend: I'm done with my calculus homework. I can't take anymore differentiation.

Me: Have you reached your limit?

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π€︎ u/TheRealHamburgler
π︎ Feb 09 2015
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Got my friends today in maths

We were wondering what the most advanced calculator was that we can still use in exams.

Our teacher showed us a calculator with a lot of advanced features (e.g. differentiation, integration, matrices) and said "You're allowed to use ones like these but I don't think you can have graphing calculators."

To which I said "So that's where they draw the line."

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π€︎ u/jfb1337
π︎ May 14 2015
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I recently subscribed to this sub and it's my new favorite. I shamelessly stole the "tan line" joke for Facebook and a nerd volley with another dad ensued quickly.

Me: Wow, this warmer weather is getting me ready for spring. Hey, I'm already getting ready for summer, check out my tan line! <graph of tangent>

Him: It's certainly not a farmer's tan line...not straight enough.

Me: No farmer's life for me. It's not something I'd sine up for.

Him: ...and I wouldn't cosine your startup loan. (groan)

Me: Sheesh, there's no reason to be hyperbolic.

Him: I really must learn how to integrate all your math vocabulary into my daily life.

Me: You'd really have to think of some way to differentiate yours from mine.

Him: heh...maybe after I move to the delta and crawl under a natural log. I'm sorry, it just struck me that I'm acting the total asymptote.

Me: Ugh. The average of the posts in this thread is degenerating.

Him: We've traversed a slippery slope and while I don't mean to be mean we've gone way past the apex of this thread.

My wife: Nerds.

Me: You married me.

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π€︎ u/RFtinkerer
π︎ Feb 18 2014
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I failed my calculus exam because I was seated in between two identical twins.

I couldnβt differentiate between them.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Oct 06 2019
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When taking a calculus exam, make sure you donβt sit between identical twins.

Because itβs hard to differentiate between them.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Dec 27 2018
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I failed my calculus exam in college because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldnβt differentiate between them.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Jul 25 2018
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I failed my calculus exam because I was seated next to two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Jul 17 2019
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