The following depicts scenes of gratuitous heteronormative sexual acts

Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Why did the artist refuse to depict landscapes?

Because portraying the horizon is where he would have to draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Lifting up the economy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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The devil is depicted as male, because he is evil with a d...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patati
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What's the name of those half-goat people in mythology? Usually depicted with a pan flute? They use fiction as a way to write scathing commentary about the world?

Oh, right. Satires.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/My_Internet_Voice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Senator Cruz didn't like it when an editorial cartoon depicted him as a Borg

His Chief of Staff explained to him that in the US, the First Amendment guaranteed all citizens the right to free speech, and that yes this did indeed include unflattering depictions in newspapers' editorial cartoons.

"You will be a simile, Ted"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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Get it?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onrv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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I got a painting depicting a place where they make swords...

Sadly, it turned out to be a forgery...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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Do you know why international artists can create wonderful nude depictions?

They have studied a broad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coconut_Biscuits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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I bought my dad a pair of socks depicting the Norse god from The Avengers...

He refuses to wear them in case they give him Thor feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martlead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2017
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Computer Virus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zak7646
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Good enough for me!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aetra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadewarp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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German (Berlin) Sausage Truck needs a name!

What would you guys name a sausage and grilled cheese truck? I came here for obvious reasons. The truck's wrap depicts a sausage smashing the Berlin wall, if that helps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uber_kitty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Anyone have that β€œI feel dad inside” comic?

It depicted a woman leaving her husband for always telling dad jokes, last frame he said he feels dad inside

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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A Dungeons & Dragons Related Dad Joke...

I'm currently running my players through a D&D adventure titled "Curse of Strahd".

Last session, my players found a journal revealing details about the main villain, Count Strahd Von Zarovich. When they acquired it, I passed the adventure book over--opened up to an illustration depicting the journal's pages--and one of the players proceeded to read. After struggling for a bit, he said, "I'm having a tough time reading this cause it's so cursive."

Yes," I responded. "It's the cursive Strahd."

I had that one chambered and ready for weeks, just waiting for the right moment.

What my players don't know is that I'm also going to include a few other bits of flavor for my them to find as they progress through the game:

  • A fancy handbag with the initials "SVZ" hammered into the leather... the "purse of Strahd"
  • A grave in which the Von Zarovich family nanny is buried... the "nurse of Strahd"
  • A carriage very obviously built to accommodate Strahd's coffin... the "hearse of Strahd"
  • A book full of poetry written during Strahd's younger days, before he was consumed by darkness... the "verse of Strahd"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/transplantasian
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
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Why did the Celts hate paintings so much?

Well, many of them couldn't stand to be depicted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CruelPuns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
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