Yeah, it does look like you see the dent-ist.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BatterseaPS
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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If a plane has a small dent, does that make it an...

Airline Fracture?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClutchSaddles
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Help: Spent my whole shower trying to think of comic book-based puns for toiletries. Best I could do was Conditioner Gordon and a 2 in 1 shampoo named Harvey Dent.

Maybe a No More Tears version called Daredevil? I don’t know. A sleeping mask called the Dark Night? Deadpoop toilet paper? I’m drowning here, man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yikesomalley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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My wife pointed to a dent on the side of the plane and said, β€œShould we be worried?”

I said, β€œNo. It’s just an....Airline fracture.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull...

It's just a berth mark, he swears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Took my car to a local dent repair specialist...

I asked him how he got into it and he said by accident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfzastrow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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My job is to put dents into new cars to test their safety features.

Needless to say, the job is very depressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Industrial
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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Wanted to make sure the lady knew about the dent in her Tahoe

She says "oh yes I knew about it."

I say "Good, I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it"

"No we, didn't miss it"

"well clearly, you hit it pretty hard!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paulec252
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2015
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Al dente
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkLord9988
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I told my student to stop denting his pen by hitting his desk with it. β€œThat’s not allowed today,” I said:

β€œOnly on In De Pen Dents Day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterBigDude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Al Dente

When is it time to go to the dentist?

Answer: Tooth-hurty.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Have you met Mr. Albert Dente?

Al’s an impasta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironicplatypus84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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The clown with the dented car

A clown was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. His clown car was covered with dents, so the next day he took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that he was a clown, so he decided to have some fun. He told the clown just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the clown went home, got down on his hands and knees and started blowing into his clown car’€™s tailpipe. Nothing happened. He blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

His roommate, another clown, came home and said, β€˜Β€ΒœWhat are you doing?’€ The first clown told him how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled his eyes and said’, "HEL-LOOOOOOOO "! You gotta roll up the windows!!!

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-with-the-dented-car/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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"You wanna cook the pasta right,"

"Or I'll-dente my teeth."

Brought to you by my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarmaOkami
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phryggian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Al dente
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProclaimUnited
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
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My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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How does Trump like his pasta?

Al presi-dente

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halfburntcookie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My sister bet me a hundred dollars i couldn't build a car out of spaghetti

You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedWolf308
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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What does Tooth Paste mean in Italian?

Pasta al dente!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tflightz
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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My buddy, Evan, just got acquitted of all charges that he was imprinting his face in the foundation of a local housing project.

They couldn't find any concrete Evan dents.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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What kind of car insurance does a rat have?

Road Dent Insurance .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gawd_of_oh_Lawd
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What did the Italian say after the hailstorm?

"My car! Itsa Al Dente!"

This failed miserably in r/jokes so it should be a raging success here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joea90
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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I hit a rat with my car today

It left a ro-dent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fireballinc55
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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This couldn't have worked out any better.

When the world hands you a dad joke https://i.imgur.com/0EiZwIt.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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How do you tell your pasta is done cooking?

You have to be skilled in Al-dente-fication

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sebbyseberoni
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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I got fired from my job at the pasta factory.

After a fusilli mistakes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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I’m looking forward to the new Hell’s Kitchen pasta episode

A real Al dente’s inferno

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badjayplaness
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Why do you only need to take pens to class?

Because they're inde-PEN-dent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrNobodyishome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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A book never written: "How To Cook Pasta"

By Al Dente

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Why wasn't Batman worried after running over Two-Face?

It was just a dent on the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrethedev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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I accidentally bought counterfeit Barilla once...

It was an impasta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedComet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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My daughter was carrying in the groceries and dropped all our boxes of noodles...

Now they're al dente.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Douglas Adams finished writing the first chapter of A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

He thought, β€œFinally! I put A Dent in that book!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Why did the Italian chef over cook his pasta?

He actually did it on acciAlDente.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KannonTheKid
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Got my son while he was cooking breakfast this morning

My son asked me "Where's the chili powder?"

I replied "Right next to the Argentina powder."

To his credit, he slitted his eyes and intoned "I said 'chill-EE' powder, not 'chill-AY' powder, Dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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Cold Humor

What did the redneck say when he saw dents on the roof of his car after a snowstorm

β€œOh hail nah”

Forgive my pun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdWithAPhaser
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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A cake shop delivery truck hit a baby deer.

It made a fawn dent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arothmanmusic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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What do you call an Italian father who just got into a car accident?

Al Dente’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadrawkstar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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I've been having some separation anxiety recently, and my Jamaican psychiatrist recommended that I bend an old pen around my finger as an exercise in self-assurance

Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrOontzOontz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Dropped a can Chef Boyardee

now the pasta is Al-Dented.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phillip_McCrevess
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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What do you call a Ferrari that got in an accident?

Al Dente.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benska
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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