Airline Fracture?!
Maybe a No More Tears version called Daredevil? I donβt know. A sleeping mask called the Dark Night? Deadpoop toilet paper? Iβm drowning here, man.
I said, βNo. Itβs just an....Airline fracture.β
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I asked him how he got into it and he said by accident.
Needless to say, the job is very depressing.
She says "oh yes I knew about it."
I say "Good, I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it"
"No we, didn't miss it"
"well clearly, you hit it pretty hard!"
βOnly on In De Pen Dents Day.
When is it time to go to the dentist?
Answer: Tooth-hurty.
Alβs an impasta
A clown was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. His clown car was covered with dents, so the next day he took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that he was a clown, so he decided to have some fun. He told the clown just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the clown went home, got down on his hands and knees and started blowing into his clown carβΒΒs tailpipe. Nothing happened. He blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
His roommate, another clown, came home and said, βΒΒWhat are you doing?βΒΒ The first clown told him how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled his eyes and saidβ, "HEL-LOOOOOOOO "! You gotta roll up the windows!!!
https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-with-the-dented-car/
"Or I'll-dente my teeth."
Brought to you by my dad.
He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.
It was accidental.
Al presi-dente
You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
Pasta al dente!
"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"
"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."
Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."
"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...
Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.
"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.
Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T
... keep reading on reddit β‘They couldn't find any concrete Evan dents.
Road Dent Insurance .
"My car! Itsa Al Dente!"
This failed miserably in r/jokes so it should be a raging success here.
It left a ro-dent
When the world hands you a dad joke https://i.imgur.com/0EiZwIt.jpg
You have to be skilled in Al-dente-fication
After a fusilli mistakes.
A real Al denteβs inferno
Because they're inde-PEN-dent
By Al Dente
It was just a dent on the road.
It was an impasta.
Now they're al dente.
He thought, βFinally! I put A Dent in that book!β
He actually did it on acciAlDente.
My son asked me "Where's the chili powder?"
I replied "Right next to the Argentina powder."
To his credit, he slitted his eyes and intoned "I said 'chill-EE' powder, not 'chill-AY' powder, Dad."
What did the redneck say when he saw dents on the roof of his car after a snowstorm
βOh hail nahβ
Forgive my pun
It made a fawn dent.
Al Denteβ
I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.
This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.
Paging Mister Lobbla β¦ Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)
Paging Mister Vitoomey β¦ Mister Lee Vitoomey
Paging Mister Frescoe β¦ Mister Al Frescoe
Paging Miss Haivure β¦ Miss Bee Haivure
Paging Miss Mitch β¦ Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)
Paging Miss Dactyl β¦ Miss Tara Dactyl
Paging Miss Falactec β¦ Miss Anna Falactec
Paging Miss Tonin β¦ Miss Sarah Tonin
Paging Mister Zinette β¦ Mister Ray Zinnette
Paging Mister Reader β¦ Mister Chip Reader
Paging Miss Kiaki β¦ Miss Sue Kiaki
Paging Mister Doffish β¦ Mister Stan Doffish
Paging Mister Debank β¦ Mister Robin Debank
Paging Mister Festo β¦ Mister Manny Festo
Paging Mister Ifornia β¦ Mister Cal Ifornia
Paging Mister Itosis β¦ Mister Hal Itosis
Paging Mister Saroni β¦ Mister Rye Saroni
Paging Mister Nasium β¦ Mister Jim Nasium
Paging Mister Aroon β¦ Mister Mac Aroon
Paging Miss Ester β¦ Miss Polly Ester
Paging Miss Rexia β¦ Miss Anna Rexia
Paging Mister Zapan β¦ Mister Pete Zapan
Paging Mister Tenuff β¦ Mister Jess Tenuff
Paging Miss Eous β¦ Miss Elaine Eous
Paging Mister Aroni β¦ Mister Mac Aroni
Paging Mister Preneur β¦ Mister Andre Preneur
Paging Mister Cetera β¦ Mister Ed Cetera
Paging Mr. Zapple β¦ Mr. Adam Zapple
Paging Mr. Bino β¦ Mr. Al Bino
Paging Miss Slapter β¦ Miss Ida Slapter
Paging Miss Talia β¦ Miss Jenna Talia
Paging Mr. Rafone β¦ Mr. Mike Rafone
Paging Mr. Zark β¦ Mr. Noah Zark
Paging Miss Yoki β¦ Miss Carey Yoki
Paging Mr. Foolery β¦ Mr. Tom Foolery
Paging Mr. Atric β¦ Mr. Jerry Atric
Paging Mr. Duttank β¦ Mr. Phillip Duttank
Paging Mr. Anoma β¦ Mr. Mel Anoma
Paging Mister Jass β¦ Mr. Hugh Jass
Paging Mr. Onella β¦ Mr. Sam Onella
Paging Mr. Maphobe β¦ Mr. Jer Maphobe
Paging Mr. Packa β¦ Mr. Al Packa
Paging Mister Dente β¦ Mister Al Dente
Paging Miss Conda β¦ Miss Anna Conda
Paging Miss Sharalike β¦ Miss Sharon Sharalike
Paging Miss Bellum β¦ Miss Sarah Bellum
Paging Miss Mennopey β¦ Miss
... keep reading on reddit β‘Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent
now the pasta is Al-Dented.
