It's called My Left Footloose
White Vans
Really, it is or do you need me to spell it out for you?
Bond. They Bond.
A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...
His right ear, his left ear, and his wild frontier.
They all share a bond
But it was too whiskey
"John Daniels?"
"Yeah, where is it?
"John?"
"Yeah"
"Don't you mean Jack?"
"...when you've known him as long as I have son, you can call him John."
Bless Al Pacino.
I would have to change my name
“No. I prefer Dan, rather.”
But how will they feel when he's back at it again (with the white Vans)?
He said: No, my name is Daniel. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?
Me: No. I meant, do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?
I was in Daniel
I started crying.
15 years and he still doesn’t know that my name is Daniel.
Jacques Daniels
He said, "Have you got Jack Daniels Honey?"
I said, "We do, but don't call me that."
From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns
What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!
Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!
Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short
What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi
What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks
What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul
Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!
Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!
Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.
Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.
Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.
What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.
What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda
What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2
Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt
What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? “The” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.
What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.
What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2
Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.
Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt
Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe
What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett
What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke
Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.
Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn
What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones
Why did
... keep reading on reddit ➡P- "Hello, Peter speaking"
D- "Hi Peter, this is Daniel speaking."
P- "We must be related!"
He said, "Yeah, I brushed them with Daniel (little brother)."
I replied, "Most of us prefer to use a toothbrush. Does a better job."
"I did!"
me grinning at him
"Oh. Oh, mommy!"
He cracked up. I've still got it!
*Names changed to protect the innocent **Yes, I know I'm a mom, but it's still a dad joke. :)
My dad, boyfriend and I were driving around our city.
Dad: Are you guys having safe sex?
Us: Yeah.
Dad: So, you guys go into a safe and have sex?
"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."
Dad: "Time for bed, kids"
Kids: "Throw us in bed! Throw us in bed!"
(Dad picks a kid up in his arms)
Dad: "Did I ever tell you about the three men in the book of Daniel who were thrown into the fiery furnace?"
Kids: "No!"
Dad: "Their names were... Shadrach... Meshach... and ToBedYouGo!
(tosses squealing kid through the air, onto the bed)
Facebook status: I have the best husband in the world
Comment #1: is this a frape?
Husband: No, she got a present from (soon to be born) baby Daniel.
Comment #2: has he got womb WiFi or something?
Husband: No, just womb service.
Three. Right ear, left ear and a frontier.
"John Daniels?"
"Yeah, where is it?
"John?"
"Yeah"
"Don't you mean Jack?"
"...when you've known him as long as I have son, you can call him John."
11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Daniel!?!
