What do you say to the cashier when your credit card is denied at a convenience store?

β€œSorry for the inconvenience.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh_j
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Did you hear about the situation in which a black, 17 year old excavator robbed a small convenience store?

It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dishwasherfetus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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For all the Australian’s convenience so they can see the top meme without having to look upside down.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BMSAwesomeness
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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There is a bunch of teenagers in my town who keep stealing Red Bull from convenience stores.

I don’t know how they sleep at night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Sign at a convenience store:Our credit manager is Helen Waite...

If you want credit go to Helen Waite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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A guy walks up to the convenience store counter and tries to buy a six pack with a fake $20 bill.

The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.

She was SO upset she had a counter fit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Some thieves stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our local convenience store.

I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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If Superman worked at a convenience store

He'd be clerk Kent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfeuer1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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What do you call a convenience store in a hard to get to place?

an inconvenience store

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebobe999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Did you guys hear about the man that walked into a convenience store naked, balancing on the rounded parts of his feet near the base of his toes, juggling 3 globes, and somehow managed to rob the place?

The balls on that guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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I told the cashier at the convenience store that she should keep the change.

It was just my two cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N_AS_A
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Spider-Man catches a guy stealing a six-pack from a convenience store...

The guy puts down the beer and runs away. Spidey picks up the beer to take it back to the store, but he pauses. In a moment of weakness, he takes the beer home for himself.

That's how Peter Parker pinched a pack of pilfered Pilsners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenSeaBreeze
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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Customer dadjoked his children at the convenience store today.

The kids were probably around 8-12 years old. They all go the sweet aisle and start looking at the chocolate etc. The father picks up a bag of M&Ms and says to his kids:

"Hey, want some Slim Shadys?"
They give him a funny look. He looks again and notices that they're 2 for Β£1.
"50 Cent for some Eminems? That's Ludacris!"
Cue another look from the kids.
"I'll pay for them though, it's no Biggie."

I'll admit, I chuckled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frippety
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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Took a lil drive while turkey was cooking today. We stopped at a convenience station for a snack.

Wife was paying for the stuff when the cashier asked " Do you have gas?" Norma said "No", I immediately said "She was asking if you farted"

Cashier was stone faced. Norma gave me "The look" and lady next to us cracked up. I won!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogy650
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2014
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Cashier at the convenience store asks, "Did you need a sack?"

Dad replies, "Oh, no - we each have our own."

Cashier looks at my dad like a perv while his grin slowly fades back to :[

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabelam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Anyone: I’m gunna run down to the convenient store and get something to drink.

Dad: you should probably drive, running that far seems like a lot of unnecessary work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shua_mc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Convenient toilet serial number
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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My friend just started a business gathering sticks together and tying them for convenient handling...

He hopes to make a bundle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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I accidentally spilt a half bottle of laundry detergent. It landed in a conveniently placed bucket tho!

I was able to turn the tide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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When it’s dark and you are picking up after your dog while a vehicle drives by with it’s headlights on, it is not only convenient, it is putting a spotlight on your civic duty
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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What are supermarkets in the afterlife called?

Heaven eleven

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCMB360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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"I don't know why people don't wear these anymore. They are so convenient and stylish. Everything you need-right there in front of you"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theBadTimesDX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Living next door to the cemetery is incredibly convenient

Since its the dead centre of the city

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naf623
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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Chance of getting the job? Absolute zero.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.

Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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I’m going to start praying to my socks soon...

They’re getting very holey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiikid6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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I always have the best BBQs. I cook plenty of beef, pork and chicken...

And for your convenience, it's all within the same hotdog!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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My friend owns a greenhouse...

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatchRacall
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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What’s the most crunk place to go to the bathroom?

The Lil Jon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d_p0p
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Where would you least expect an inconvenience?

A convenience store!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomLemonz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, β€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, β€œNo way JosΓ©! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, β€œThen I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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What do you call a broken escalator?

Stairs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_BlNG_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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I went to the zoo today and...

Went to check out the bears. When I arrived at their pen, there was a sign on the door that said:

We apologize, but this pen is currently empty and "bear-ren." Please "bear" with us as we continue to perform some maintenance on this pen. The bears that live here should be back in a couple of hours. We apologize for any convenience this has caused."

I like this zoo already. XD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
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My dad was offered sex for services. (x-post r/funny)

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save 1.50 off your next purchase.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vance524
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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Dan glanced at the small watch he kept clipped to his belt, and smiled.

"I swear, this is the most convenient object I own. It appears my schedule would indeed allow for a light Netflix binge," he said, time-waistingly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelastcubscout
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2017
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Wife dadjoked me

We stopped at a dollar store to pick up a few items, and I parked in front of the store next to a handicap stall. I noticed the handicap stall was the same width as a regular parking stall, to which I remarked, "That's not really a convenient parking stall as there's no space for the handicap person to maneuver." My wife replied, "Ya, that's not very handy!"

Visual reference http://i.imgur.com/hM8a1kP.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aamir64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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I can paralyse a pidgeon...

...if I put salt on it's tail, is what my dad told me. I spent an entire summer in France running down pidgeons with salt packets (conveniently supplied by my dad).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KSKaleido
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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My Wife Didn't Get It At First

So my wife went in to the local convenience store to get us slushies, I asked for a red one. Here was our conversation when she came out.

Her: I got you Mountain Dew because the red wasn't ready.

Me: So was it bluey?

Her: ...

Me: staring at her with a shit eating grin

Her: Yeah I get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dylanfarnum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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I made a service clerk walk away.

There is a CVS about a 5 minute walk from my house that I like to get my convenience shopping done at with these auto-checkout kiosks that always lock up. I scanned my drinks and like clockwork the machine started beeping that somebody would be available to assist me shortly; the machine had locked up. A young girl scans her ID to bring it back to functionality and asks if I needed any further assistance.

I pointed to my reflection in the window and said "No thanks, I'm going to finish checking myself out and be on my way" and flexed a bit

It took her a second, but once the guy in the photo department started cracking up she got it. I laughed all the way home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nemesis0320
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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Grocery list dad style

Being the forgetful dad that I am, I wrote a few items I needed from the local convenience store on my hand so I wouldn't forget what all I needed. The young girl at the check out counter saw the list and said, "Nice list there, I do that all the time too." I replied, "yeah you could say its pretty handy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireguzzi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
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Overheard a great holiday dad joke this weekend

Customer in front of me: "We're going to smoke a turkey this weekend."

Convenience store clerk: "How are you going to get it into the pipe?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wavemotiondan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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Have you heard the story of the man who ran over himself?

One afternoon a man asked his son if he could run over to the convenience store and pick up a copy of that day's newspaper.

His son said, "Sorry Dad, I'm still finishing up my homework, so I'm busy for a bit."

So the man ran over himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexyghostelepha
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2016
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When in snow

This one was me getting my dad.

Me-puts beer in snow outside window to keep cold

Dad- that's convenient.

Me- you know what they say, "when in snow, do as the snowmans."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aggzilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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I can’t believe some burglars broke into our local convenience store and stole 300 cans of Red Bull.

I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Where would you least expect an inconvenience?

A convenience store!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomLemonz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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