I invented a contraption that I could use to refine feces from long distances...

I smelt that sh!t a mile away!

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ May 27 2020
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I didn't think my friend's MacGyver-ed flashlight contraption would work until he provided a detailed description.

It was very illuminating.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Mar 05 2020
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I'm trying to create an automated contraption for growing herbs.

I think it'll be the world's first Thyme Machine.

👍︎ 32
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👤︎ u/thegimboid
📅︎ Jun 22 2014
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It's Christmas morning and Mariah Carey wakes up to see what her boyfriend got her this year.

She opens the front door and there is a huge log on a chain contraption that can ram castle gates.  Confused, she looks past the medieval device to see her boyfriend standing in the front yard surrounded by dozens of male sheep and holding two tickets to skybox seats for football in Los Angeles.

He holds his arms wide and asks, "what do you think?"

She smiles and says, "Thank you for the rams but all I want for Christmas is ewe."

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Nov 23 2019
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Dadjoked my mom as she recovers from surgery (slightly gross)

My mom's been in the hospital having a difficult recovery from surgery, and she's spent the last few weeks attached to various contraptions to drain the wound site. Dad sent an update today: "Mom's been released. No wound vac, no drains of any kind. Just an island dressing. 😃"

"Yay", I said. "That's 999 islands less than most people get!"

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Mysphyt
📅︎ Sep 12 2016
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